Subject: People (Page 23)

Given the unlikely options of attending a funeral or a sex orgy, a true Irishman will always opt for the funeral.

(1928 – 2002) Irish playwright, novelist & essayist
People Places

He fell in love with himself at first sight and it is a passion to which he has always remained faithful.

(1905 – 2000) English writer
People Self

I was not a particularly small child; I was the one who always got picked to play Bethlehem in the school play.

(1957 – ) British stand-up comedian
Age Appearance Fat Self

Women: Can't live with them, can't bury them in the back yard without the neighbors seeing.

People Situations Women

Acquaintance: A degree of friendship called ‘slight’ when its object is poor and ‘intimate’ when he is rich or famous.

Definitions People

A man can sleep around, no questions asked, but if a woman makes nineteen or twenty mistakes she's a tramp.

(1935 – 2014) American comedian, television personality, writer & director
Men Mistakes People Sex Women

The scariest guy in prison is the white guy… because he's guilty.

American comedian
Conflict Crime Law People

Men are only as loyal as their options.

(1956 – ) comedian, television host, social critic & political commentator
Men Sex

A gentleman is one who never hurts anyone's feelings unintentionally.

(1854 – 1900) Irish dramatist, novelist & poet
Characteristics People

In my opinion, we don’t devote nearly enough scientific research to finding a cure for jerks.

(1955 – ) cartoonist (Calvin and Hobbes)
People

Hell may have a worse climate but undoubtedly the company is spritelier.

(1876 – 1944) American author, humorist & columnist
People Places Situations

I had slumps that lasted into the winter.

(1935 – ) American baseball player, sportscaster, comedian & actor
Baseball Failure Self Sports

When you're born, you have a finger up your nose, the other hand on your dick, and you get taller; and that is really it.

(1971 – ) Irish comedian, actor & writer
Life Men People

My name is Fin, which means it's very hard for me to end emails without sounding pretentious.

comedian
People Self

To err is human; to loaf, Parisian.

(1802 – 1885) French writer
People Places Work

A fellow who is always declaring he's no fool usually has his suspicions.

(1876 – 1933) screenwriter
Fools Intelligence People

The one thing that unites all human beings, regardless of age, gender, religion or ethnic background, is that we all believe we are above-average drivers.

(1947 – ) American columnist & humorist
Autos Driving People Things

A paranoid is someone who knows a little of what's going on.

(1914 – 1997) American writer & painter
People

I saw a man with a wooden leg, and a real foot.

(1955 – ) comedian, actor & writer
People

I was at a party a couple of weeks ago, talking to this guy about the Gaza Strip; he thought it was the adhesive side of a maxi pad.

(1961 – ) comedian, writer, radio & television personality & blogger
Conversation People Stupidity Things

Only the paranoid survive.

(1936 – ) Hungarian-born American businessman, engineer & author
Characteristics People