Subject: People (Page 25)

I got a king sized bed; I don't know any kings, but if one came over, I guess he'd be comfortable.

(1968 – 2005) American stand-up comedian
People Things

I guess a drag queen’s like an oil painting: you gotta stand back from it to get the full effect.

(1954 – ) American actor & playwright
People

Make sure to be in with your equals if you’re going to fall out with your superiors.

People

People ask me how much I weigh. I tell them, 145 pounds, naked; that is, if that scale outside the drugstore is anything to go by.

(1956 – ) American comedian
Appearance Self

I've never seen driving as a sexual thing – I just could never consider it in that light. I think women are interested in the drivers because of the dangers, but some of us are as dull as Old Nick.

Scottish auto racer
Auto racing People Sports Women

Bore: A person who deprives you with solitude without providing company.


Definitions People

When I was 16 years old, the morning of my birthday, my parents tried to surprise me with a car, but they missed.

American comedian
Family Parents Self Situations

You might be a redneck if… you've ever bought lingerie at a yard sale.

(1958 – ) stand-up comedian & television personality
Appearance Clothing People Rednecks Shopping

Some of the world’s greatest feats were accomplished by people not smart enough to know they were impossible.

(1926 – ) newspaper columnist
People Success

My girlfriend say’s that I’m afraid of commitment… well she’s not my girlfriend… more a wife.

Canadian stand-up comedian, actor & writer
Girlfriends Marriage Relationships Wives

Women speak two languages – one of which is verbal.

(1564 – 1616) English dramatist & poet
Communication Language People Women

There are two types of people in this world: those who live in the cities… or ‘citizens’ as I call them… and those who live in the countryside… who shall remain nameless.

(1967 – ) English comedian
People

Only the mediocre are always at their best.

(1882 – 1944) French novelist, essayist, diplomat & playwright
People

The definition of black irony is Pro-lifers killing Doctors who do abortions.

(1961 – 1994) comedian
People

A woman is as old as she looks before breakfast.

(1853 – 1937) journalist, writer & editor
Age Appearance Old People Women

Women who drink white wine either want to get married, sell you a piece of real estate, or redecorate your house; either way, it's expensive.

(1946 – 1994) writer & humorist
Marriage Money People Women

A man should be greater than some of his parts.

Murphy’s Laws People

If blind people wear dark glasses, why don’t deaf people wear earmuffs?

(1955 – ) comedian, actor & writer
People Things

I have low self-esteem; when were in bed together, I would fantasize that I was someone else.

(1947 – ) comedian & actor
Characteristics People Self Sex

Beware of the young doctor and the old barber.

(1706 – 1790) American statesman, author, scientist & inventor
Doctors Health People

I think we can all agree that sleeping around is a great way to meet people.

(1975 – ) American stand-up comedian, television host, actress, & author
People Sex