Subject: People (Page 27)

Despite my thirty years of research into the feminine soul, I have not yet been able to answer the great question that has never been answered: What does a woman want?

(1856 – 1939) Austrian neurologist, father of psychoanalysis
Women

I look like a mix between a Jew and a guy who would drive by in a truck and yell "Jew.”

American comedian
Appearance People Self

I didn’t get a lot of awards as a player… but they did have a Bob Uecker Day Off for me once in Philly.

(1935 – ) American baseball player, sportscaster, comedian & actor
Baseball Self Sports

Men are like chocolate bars: sweet, smooth, and heading straight for your hips.

Food/Drink Men People

A family is a unit composed not only of children but of men, women, an occasional animal, and the common cold.

(1902 – 1971) American humorist & poet
Children Family Health Men Women

If you think it's hard to meet new people, try picking up the wrong golf ball.

(1925 – 2001) actor & musician
Activities Golf People Sports

Things hate people.

Murphy’s Laws People Things

I had a woman come up to me at the airport and say, “I don’t mean to insult you, but you look like Bobcat Goldthwait.”

(1962 – ) comedian, actor, voice actor, screenwriter, & film & television director
Appearance People Self

I'm always into a positive black image. Whenever Leon Spinks fights I always pray, 'Dear Lord, please don't let them interview Leon on TV.'

American television personality
Boxing People Sports

You might be a redneck if… you've been on television more than five times describing what the tornado sounded like.

(1958 – ) stand-up comedian & television personality
People Rednecks

Personally, I think that if a woman hasn’t met the right man by the time she’s twenty-four, she may be lucky.

(1921 – 2007) Scottish-born actress
Men People Relationships Women

A Merry Christmas to all my friends except two.

(1880 – 1946) comedian, actor, juggler & writer
Friends People

Emperor Negro, who fiddled while Rome burned…

television character, All In the Family (Carroll O’Connor)
Malaprops People

When you cannot get a compliment any other way pay yourself one.

Samuel Clemens (1835 – 1910) author & humorist
Characteristics People Self

To please a woman in bed, all a man has to do is a poetry course; they also have to learn that the Kama Sutra is not an Indian takeaway and that the mutual orgasm is not an insurance company.

(1958 – ) Australian author
People Sex Women

By the time my friend was eighteen she had sown enough wild oats to make a grain deal with Russia.

(1917 – 2012) comedian & actress
People Sex

If someone with multiple personalities threatens to kill himself, is it considered a hostage situation?

(1937 – 2008) stand-up comedian, social critic, actor & author
Characteristics Conflict Killing People

More than 150 heads of state attended the UN Summit, giving New Yorkers a chance to get in touch with prejudices they didn't even know they had.

(1962 – ) American political satirist, writer, television host & comedian
Characteristics People

The best way to turn a woman's head is to tell her she has a beautiful profile.

(1885 – 1957) French stage actor, film actor, director, screenwriter & playwright
People Women

At any event, the people whose seats are furthest from the aisle arrive last.

Murphy’s Laws People

My books are water; those of the great geniuses are wine… (Fortunately) everybody drinks water.

Samuel Clemens (1835 – 1910) author & humorist
Books Communication Self