Subject: People (Page 27)

The only thing a lawyer won’t question is the legitimacy of his mother.

(1880 – 1946) comedian, actor, juggler & writer
Family Government Law Lawyers Mothers People

One day my father took me aside… and left me there.

(1924 – 1987) American stand-up ‘deadpan’ comedian and actor
Family Fathers People Self

In order to avoid being called a flirt, she always yielded easily.

(1754 – 1838) French prime minister & diplomat
People Sex

Yeah, I'm kind of lazy… I'm dating a pregnant woman.


Dating People Relationships

You might be a redneck if… your parents met at a family reunion.

(1958 – ) stand-up comedian & television personality
Family Parents People Rednecks

It is impossible to defeat an ignorant man in argument.

(1863 – 1941) U.S. senator (California) & U.S. Secretary of the Treasury
Intelligence People Stupidity

The best way to keep a man is in doubt.

(1908 – 1980) businessman, humorist
People Situations

You know how growing up we all had that voice inside our head that tells us we’re not good enough? Well, mine was outside my head driving me to school.

(1970 – ) American actress
Family Mothers People Self TV/Movie Quotes

A conservative is a man who is too cowardly to fight and too fat to run.

(1856 – 1915) writer, publisher, artist & philosopher
Beliefs Definitions People

Personally, I don't like a girlfriend to have a husband… if she'll fool her husband, I figure she'll fool me.

(1866 – 1946) English author
Girlfriends Relationships

Wolf: A fellow who wants his hands on a girl, but doesn’t want a girl on his hands.

Definitions Men People

Well, I screwed it up real good, didn't I?

(1913 – 1994) 37th U.S. president
Mistakes People Problems Self

If you were to second guess your decision to book time at a Native American community, that would be a reservation reservation reservation.

(1957 – ) American comedian
People

Behind every successful man, you’ll find a woman who has nothing to wear.

(1908 – 1997) American actor
Appearance Clothing Men People Success Women

Women like jewelry; they’re like raccoons: show them some shiny stuff and they’ll follow you home.

(1962 – ) American comedian & actor
People Things Women

Y Chromosome: A line of genes designed for men only.

Definitions Men People

Nobody really cares or understands what anyone else is doing.

Murphy’s Laws People

When a problem goes away, the people working to solve it do not.

Murphy’s Laws People Problems

Racism is so stupid; there’s more than enough reasons to dislike people on an individual basis.

(1952 – ) American political satirist
Emotions People

I am much more comfortable in someone else’s skin.

(1947 – ) comedian & actor
People Self

My cholesterol count has a comma.

(1964 – 2014) American actor, Broadway performer & stand-up comedian
Health Self