Subject: People (Page 28)

Lady Gaga is proof that David Bowie raped Carol Burnett!

(1964 – ) American comedian & actor
People

Everything is funny as long as it is happening to someone else.

(1879 – 1935) humorist & social commentator
Emotions People

Somebody stole my identity… good luck using it without the medications.

(1966 – ) American stand-up comedian, television writer/producer & radio host
People Self

A Scot is a man who keeps the Sabbath, and everything else he can lay his hands on.

(1919 – 1985) Scottish comedian & actor
People

It’s so much easier to pray for a bore than to go and see one.

(1898 – 1963) Irish-born British novelist, literary critic & essayist
People

In a relationship you have to communicate, which means listening to her talk… ladies, you fake orgasms… we fake listening.

(1962 – ) American comedian & actor
Communication Men People Relationships Women

There were many reasons we broke up; there was a religious difference: I'm a Catholic, and she's the devil.

American actor & comedian
Beliefs Girlfriends Relationships Religion

The bigger the man, the less likely he is to object to caricature.

Murphy’s Laws People

I had a girlfriend that was so fat she wore a "Cross Your Thighs" bra.

(1921 – 2004) stand-up comedian & actor
Appearance Clothing Fat Girlfriends People

The problem with some people is that when they aren’t drunk, they’re sober.

(1865 – 1939) Irish poet & politician
Alcohol Food/Drink Insults People

There are four kinds of people: those who sit quietly and do nothing, those who talk about sitting quietly and doing nothing, those who do things, and those who talk about doing things.

Communication Murphy’s Laws People Speech

All people are born alike – except Republicans and Democrats.

(1890 – 1977) comedian, actor & television host
People

A woman is as old as she looks before breakfast.

(1853 – 1937) journalist, writer & editor
Age Appearance Old People Women

Working with Julie Andrews is like being hit over the head with a Valentine's Day card.

(1929 – ) Canadian theatrer, film & television actor
People

People don't change; they only become more so.

Murphy’s Laws People

Woman begins by resisting a man's advances and ends by blocking his retreat.

(1854 – 1900) Irish dramatist, novelist & poet
Activities Men People Women

The first thing men notice about a woman is her eyes; then, when her eyes aren't looking, they notice her breasts.

(1963 – ) television host & comedian
Appearance Body Men People Women

The day I notice a cyclist obey a stop sign is the day I'll stop enjoying watching them bounce off my hood.

(1975 – ) American stand-up comedian & television host
People Situations

Even nowadays a man can't step up and kill a woman without feeling just a bit unchivalrous.

(1889 – 1945) actor, author & humorist
Conflict Killing Men People Women

My classmates would copulate with anything that moved, but I never saw any reason to limit myself.

(1956 – ) American comedian
People Self Sex

You might be a redneck if… you take a six-pack cooler to church.

(1958 – ) stand-up comedian & television personality
Beer People Rednecks