Subject: People (Page 3)

You might be a redneck if… directions to your house include "turn off the paved road.”

(1958 – ) stand-up comedian & television personality
People Places Rednecks

Radical: Anyone whose opinion differs from ours.

Beliefs Definitions People

People like to hear me say 'shit' in my gorgeous voice.

(1904 – 2000) English actor, director & producer
Acting Entertainment People Self

You might be a redneck if… your Junior/Senior Prom had a Daycare.

(1958 – ) stand-up comedian & television personality
People Rednecks

China is a big country, inhabited by many Chinese.

(1890 – 1970) French president, general & statesman
People Places

God is good to the Irish, but no one else is, not even the Irish.

(1858 – 1932) American physicist, physician & humorist
People Places

You might be a redneck if… you've ever taken an RV to a drive-in movie.

(1958 – ) stand-up comedian & television personality
People Rednecks

Man has his will, but woman has her way.

(1809 – 1894) physician, professor, lecturer & author
Men People Women

When I dance, people think I’m looking for my keys.

(1957 – ) American stand-up comedian, actor & screenwriter
Dance Entertainment Self

Otto von Bismarck: The Germans have just bought a new country in Africa where Jews and pigs will be tolerated.

Disraeli: Fortunately, we are both here (in England).

(1804 – 1881) British prime minister, politician & author
Insults People

I went to the doctor and said, “Doc, every morning when I wake up and look in the mirror, I throw up. What’s wrong?” The doctor said, “I don’t know, but your eyesight is perfect.”

(1921 – 2004) stand-up comedian & actor
Appearance Self Ugly

I tolerate lactose like I tolerate people.

(1947 – ) American comedian, writer, actor & television producer
People

Men who listen to classical music tend not to spit.

(1953 – ) comedian, dancer & writer
Entertainment Men People

I told my kids, “Someday, you’ll have kids of your own.” One of them said, “So will you.”

(1921 – 2004) stand-up comedian & actor
Children Family People Self

I never apologize… I’m sorry but that’s the way I am.

cartoon character in The Simpsons (Dan Castellaneta)
Self TV/Movie Quotes

You might be a redneck if… your the tail light covers of your car are made of red tape.

(1958 – ) stand-up comedian & television personality
Autos People Rednecks Things

My dad drives so slow that when we’re on the highway, Amish people give us the finger.

comedian
Activities Driving Family Fathers People

High heels were invented by a woman who had been kissed on the forehead.

(1890 – 1957) author & journalist
Appearance Body Clothing Women

Any jackass can kick down a barn but it takes a good carpenter to build one.

(1908 – 1973) 36th U.S. president
People

Life is strange; every so often a good man wins.

(1902 – 1963) Danish actor
Characteristics Individuals Life People Success

If there are no stupid questions, then what kind of questions do stupid people ask?

(1957 – ) cartoonist (Dilbert)
Intelligence People Stupidity