Subject: People (Page 31)

Abstainer: The kind of man you wouldn’t want to drink with even if he did.

(1882 – 1958) drama critic, editor
Alcohol Food/Drink People

His [George Bush] popularity rating – his approval rating – with blacks: two percent… two percent… that is somewhere between Mark Fuhrman and sickle cell anemia.

(1956 – ) comedian, television host, social critic & political commentator
Insults People Reviews/Criticism

I was born at the age of twelve on a Metro-Goldwyn-Mayer lot.

(1922 – 1969) American singer & actor
Entertainment People Self

You might be a redneck if…… you think that Dom Perignon is a mafia leader.

(1958 – ) stand-up comedian & television personality
Food/Drink People

One man's poison ivy is another man's spinach.

(1866 – 1944) American writer, newspaper columnist, playwright & humorist
People

A fanatic is one who can’t change his mind and won’t change the subject.

(1874 – 1965) British prime minister, politician, statesman & orator
People

I broke in with four hits and the writers promptly declared they had seen the new Ty Cobb… it took me only a few days to correct that impression.

(1890 – 1975) American baseball manager
Baseball People Self Sports

If you want to offend terrorists, if you’re a woman, wear a dress, and if you're a man, wear a dress. 

British-Asian comedian
People

You might be a redneck if… your coffee table used to be a cable spool.

(1958 – ) stand-up comedian & television personality
People Rednecks Things

You might be a redneck if… your on your first date you had to ask your dad to borrow the keys to the tractor.

(1958 – ) stand-up comedian & television personality
Dating People Rednecks

When I was 10, my pa told me never to talk to strangers; we haven’t spoken since.

(1955 – ) comedian, actor & writer
Communication Family Fathers People Speech

Democracy is the recurrent suspicion that more than half of the people are right more than half the time.

(1899 – 1985) US author & humorist
Democracy Government People

Eighty percent of all people consider themselves to be above average drivers.

Beliefs Driving Murphy’s Laws Opinion People

I didn't know he was dead; I thought he was British.

(1935 – ) movie actor, director & comedian
Death People Places

I'm not buddy-buddy with the players. If they need a buddy, let them buy a dog.

(1931 – ) American baseball player & manager
Baseball Friends People Sports

Unbeknownst to most historians, Einstein started down the road of professional basketball before an ankle injury diverted him to science.

(1950 – ) American cartoonist The Far Side
People Science/Weather

I never lecture, not because I am shy or a bad speaker, but simply because I detest the sort of people who go to lectures and don't want to meet them.

(1880 – 1956) journalist, essayist, editor & satirist
Communication People Speech

Women prefer men who have something tender about them – especially the legal kind.

Men Money People Women

Now is the time for all good men to come to.

(1913 – 1973) American animator & cartoonist (Pogo)
People Time

What would bug a guy from the Taliban more than seeing a gay woman in a suit surrounded by Jews?

(1958 – ) comedian, actress & television host
People Self

Nobody really cares or understands what anyone else is doing.

Murphy’s Laws People