Subject: People (Page 32)

Harpo, she's a lovely person – she deserves a good husband; marry her before she finds one.

(1906 – 1972) pianist, composer, author, comedian & actor
Insults Marriage People

She’s like an apple turnover that got crushed in a grocery bag on a hot day.

(1947 – ) American author, teacher & social critic
Appearance Insults People

There are four kinds of people: those who sit quietly and do nothing, those who talk about sitting quietly and doing nothing, those who do things, and those who talk about doing things.

Communication Murphy’s Laws People Speech

Never trust a husband too far or a bachelor too near.

(1876 – 1950) journalist & humorist
Characteristics Husbands Marriage People

People become progressively less competent for jobs they once were well equipped to handle.

Murphy’s Laws People Work

I refuse to join any club that would have me as a member.

(1890 – 1977) comedian, actor & television host
People Self

I am as frustrated with society as a pyromaniac in a petrified forest.

(1952 – ) American writer & comedian
People

You might be a redneck if… your `huntin dawg' cost more than the truck you drive him around in.

(1958 – ) stand-up comedian & television personality
Animals Dogs Money People Rednecks Things

The man has a 70% approval rate, which makes sense to me because he's pretty much done everything I expected him to do: the economy's in the toilet, we're at war and everything's on fire.

(1964 – ) American writer, stand-up comedian, actress, television host
People Problems

There is more simplicity in the man who eats caviar on impulse than in the man who eats Grape Nuts on principle.

(1874 – 1936) English author & mystery novelist
Characteristics Eating Food/Drink People

An optimist in Canada is someone who thinks things could be worse.

(1942 – ) Canadian politician
Canada People Places

That’s where Jack and I were different, he would let his hair down, I just took mine off.

(1896 – 1996) comedian, actor & entertainer
Appearance Hair People Situations

X Chromosome: Sex chromosome responsible for the desire of dust ruffles, pillow shams, potpourris soap operas and ballroom dancing.

Definitions People Women

Engineers are all basically high-functioning autistics who have no idea how normal people do stuff.

(1971 – ) Canadian blogger, journalist & science fiction author
Intelligence People

White folks love everything about black culture, except the blacks.

American stand-up comedian
People

Women have a passion for mathematics; they divide their age in half, double the price of their clothes, and always add at least five years to the age of their best friend.

(1899 – 1974) French screenwriter, teacher & journalist
People Women

Some persons are likable in spite of their unswerving integrity.

(1878 – 1937) humorist, journalist & author
Characteristics Honesty People

Glutton: A person who takes the piece of French pastry you wanted.

Definitions Eating Food/Drink People

Always remember that you are absolutely unique, just like everyone else.

Murphy’s Laws People Self

One should never trust a woman who tells one her real age.

(1854 – 1900) Irish dramatist, novelist & poet
Age Characteristics Honesty People Truth Women

I’m like an iPhone, it’s going to be worse versions of this every year, plus I get super hot in the middle of the afternoon for no reason.

(1982 – ) American comedian, actor, writer & producer
People Self