Subject: People (Page 33)

Flatterer: one who says things to your face that he wouldn’t say behind your back.

Characteristics Communication People Speech

18,000 Women Recalled For New Tests

Headlines Women

A jury is a group of twelve people of average ignorance.

(1820 – 1903) English philosopher
Government Intelligence Law People

Women don’t respect salad eaters.

(1954 – ) comedian & television actor
Men People TV/Movie Quotes Women

Those who don’t study the past will repeat its errors; those who do study it will find OTHER ways to err.

Murphy’s Laws Past People Problems

Adult: A person who has stopped growing at both ends and started growing in the middle.

Age Appearance Body People

1. Incompetence knows no barriers of time or place.
2. Work is accomplished by those employees who have not yet reached their level of incompetence.
3. If at first you don't succeed, try something else.

Murphy’s Laws People Work

Is it true that cannibals don't eat clowns because they taste funny?

(1937 – 2008) stand-up comedian, social critic, actor & author
Eating Food/Drink People

You might be a redneck if… you ever named a child after a dog.

(1958 – ) stand-up comedian & television personality
Animals Children Dogs Family People Rednecks

Committee: A group of the unwilling, picked from the unfit, to do the unnecessary.

(1911 – 1969) American school superintendent, philosopher & humorist
People

Guys are like dogs… they keep coming back… ladies are like cats; yell at a cat one time… they’re gone.

(1923 – 1966) stand-up comedian, writer, social critic & satirist
Men People Women

You might be a redneck if… your high school basketball game got rained out.

(1958 – ) stand-up comedian & television personality
Basketball People Rednecks Sports

If you own a home with wheels on it and several cars without, you just might be a redneck.

(1958 – ) stand-up comedian & television personality
Characteristics People Rednecks Things

Women like silent men, they think they're listening.

(1937 – 2008) stand-up comedian, social critic, actor & author
Men People Situations Women

In the heat of a political lifetime, he innocently squirrels away tidbits of misinformation and then, sometimes years later, casually drops them into his public discourse, like gum balls in a quiche

Characteristics People

I tolerate lactose like I tolerate people.

(1947 – ) American comedian, writer, actor & television producer
People

I hate when women compare men to dogs; men are not dogs… dogs are loyal; I’ve never found any strange panties in my dog’s house

(1964 – ) American writer, stand-up comedian, actress, television host
Animals Dogs Men People

I never saw my mother up close.

(1945 – ) American humorist (co-founder of National Lampoon)
Family Mothers People Self

I’m a controversial figure: my friends either dislike me or hate me.

(1906 – 1972) pianist, composer, author, comedian & actor
Friends Old People Self

Things hate people.

Murphy’s Laws People Things

You might be a redneck if… you bought a VCR so you could tape wrestling while you are at work.

(1958 – ) stand-up comedian & television personality
Activities People Rednecks Television