Subject: People (Page 34)

Y Chromosome: The cause of virility, war, baldness, hockey, sex crimes, clever inventions and a disinclination to ask for directions when lost.

Definitions Men People

I didn’t get a lot of awards as a player… but they did have a Bob Uecker Day Off for me once in Philly.

(1935 – ) American baseball player, sportscaster, comedian & actor
Baseball Self Sports

It's hard to feel fit as a fiddle when you're shaped like a cello.

American basketball coach & executive
Appearance Body People Self

We have fifty-one golf courses in Palm Springs; he (Gerald Ford) never decides which course he will play until after the first tee shot.

(1903 – 2003) English-born American comedian & actor
Golf People Sports

The reliability of machinery is inversely proportional to the number and significance of any persons watching it.

Murphy’s Laws People Problems

Marry an outdoors woman; then if you throw her out into the yard for the night, she can still survive.

(1880 – 1946) comedian, actor, juggler & writer
Marriage People Women

How can a woman be expected to be happy with a man who insists on treating her as if she were a perfectly normal human being.

(1854 – 1900) Irish dramatist, novelist & poet
Men People Women

A committee is a group of people who individually can do nothing but together can decide that nothing can be done.

(1894 – 1956) American radio comedian
Individuals Work

If you think it's hard to meet new people, try picking up the wrong golf ball.

(1925 – 2001) actor & musician
Activities Golf People Sports

It’s great that we’ve got a compassionate conservative, but to me, that sounds like a Volvo with a gun rack.

(1951 – 2014) comedian & actor
Beliefs Government People

Being an old maid is like death by drowning, a really delightful sensation after you cease to struggle.

(1885 – 1968) American writer
Marriage People Women

They put me in Special Ed because they thought I was slow, but I stayed in Special Ed for the ladies.

(1974 – ) Russian-born American comedian, writer & filmmaker
Education Girls Intelligence People School

The difference between a moral man and a man of honor is that the latter regrets a discreditable act, even when it has worked and he has not been caught.

(1880 – 1956) journalist, essayist, editor & satirist
Characteristics People

It's not hard to tell we was poor—when you saw the toilet paper dryin' on the clothesline.

(1928 – 2012) American comedian & actor
Money People Poverty Self

Love is staying up all night with a sick child… or a healthy adult.

(1939 – ) British journalist, comedian, writer & media personality
Friends People

Don't keep a man guessing too long… he's sure to find the answer somewhere else.

(1893 – 1980) actress, playwright, screenwriter & sex symbol
Men People

Reporter: What do you think of Western Civilization?

Gandhi: I think it would be a good idea.

(1869 – 1948) Indian leader of independence movement
People

Women: You can't live with them, and you can't get them to dress up in a skimpy little Nazi costume and beat you with a warm squash or something.

(1956 – ) American comedian
Activities Clothing Sex Things Women

I can't sing, but I know how to, which is quite different.

(1899 – 1973) English playwright, actor, composer, director & songwriter
Entertainment Self

Bore: A guy with a cocktail glass in one hand and your lapel in the other

(1906 – 1998) English-born American comedian
People

There's one way to find out if a man is honest – ask him… if he says, “Yes,” you know he is a crook.

(1890 – 1977) comedian, actor & television host
Characteristics Honesty People