Subject: People (Page 35)

When Mel told his Jewish mother he was marrying an Italian girl, she said: ‘Bring her over; I’ll be in the kitchen—with my head in the oven.‘

(1931 – 2005) American actor
Family Mothers People Travel

What middle class? … there's only seven people left in the middle class – who cares about them?

(1927 – 1997) Am. comedian & satirist notable for mock presidential campaign
America People Places

My girlfriend makes me want to be a better person – so I can get a better girlfriend.

(1978 – ) American writer & stand-up comedian
Girlfriends People

Every time I sew a button back onto a shirt, there are then two solid minutes where I sincerely believe I would've survived the Oregon Trail.

(1982 – ) American comedian & actress
People Self

A gathering of important people who singly can do nothing, but together can decide that nothing can be done. 

(1894 – 1956) American radio comedian
People

All right, brain, you don’t like me, and I don’t like you, but let's just get me through this, and I can get back to killing you with beer.

cartoon character in The Simpsons (Dan Castellaneta)
People Self TV/Movie Quotes

What, when drunk, one sees in other women, one sees in Garbo sober.

(1927 – 1980) English theatre critic & writer
People

A man has one hundred dollars and you leave him with two dollars, that's subtraction.

(1893 – 1980) actress, playwright, screenwriter & sex symbol
Men Money

There is not one female comic who was beautiful as a little girl.

(1935 – 2014) American comedian, television personality, writer & director
Appearance Body Girls

[With women] it’s like God made a little package; it’s all tucked in with hospital corners and stuff; and with men, it’s like God started to make a bow, and the phone rang.

(1969 – ) American stand-up comedian & actress
Men People Women

Elections are when people find out what politicians stand for and politicians find out what people will fall for.

fictional mascot and cover boy of Mad, an American humor magazine
Elections/Voting Government People Politicians

Setting a good example for children takes all the fun out of middle age.

(1908 – 1976) publisher & author
Age Children Old People

I still believe that at any time the no-talent police will come and arrest me.

(1963 – ) Canadian comedian, actor, screenwriter & film producer
People Self

If women dressed for men, the stores wouldn't sell much – just an occasional sun visor.

(1890 – 1977) comedian, actor & television host
Appearance Clothing Men People Shopping Women

Siamese twins are interesting because they are the only people who can write a biography and an autobiography at the same time.

(1973 – ) American comedian
Books Communication People Reading/Writing

Philanderer: A man who considers himself too good to be true.

Definitions People Self

He's the type who will cut your throat behind your back.

(1908 – 1997) German-born teacher, academic & humorist
Malaprops People

A neurotic is a person who builds a castle in the air; a psychotic is the person who lives in it; a psychiatrist is the one who collects the rent.

(1915 – 2004) American playwright & author
Occupations People Work

Feminism is the worst thing that happened to woman… our job used to be no job. – Feminism

(1982 – ) American actress, stand-up comedian & writer
People Women

Good hospitality is making your guests feel at home, even when you wish they were.

fictional mascot and cover boy of Mad, an American humor magazine
Characteristics Friends Old People

To last as long as I did with the skills I had, with the numbers I produced, was a triumph of the human spirit.

(1935 – ) American baseball player, sportscaster, comedian & actor
Baseball Self Sports