Subject: People (Page 36)

Bachelor: A guy who is footloose and fiancee-free.

Definitions Men People

Man is the only animal that plays poker.

(1889 – 1966) American humorist, writer, illustrator & cartoonist
Activities Animals People

He had the kind of handshake that ought never to be used except as a tourniquet.

(1922 – ) English comedy writer & television presenter
Characteristics People

It’s hard to be religious when certain people are never incinerated by bolts of lightning.

(1955 – ) cartoonist (Calvin and Hobbes)
Beliefs People Religion

In the forties, to get a girl you had to be a GI or a jock; in the fifties, to get a girl you had to be Jewish; in the sixties, to get a girl you had to be black; in the seventies, to get a girl you've got to be a girl.

(1927 – ) Canadian-born American comedian & actor
Dating Girls People Relationships

A bunch of bong-smoking, America-bashing, flag-burning, yoga-posing, incense-burning, dolphin-saving, salmon-eating hypocrites; these are the sensitive, liberal people who are always yelling about people's freedom of speech and expression, unless you happen to say something that pisses them off.

(1957 – 2007) American stand-up comedian & actor
Beliefs Government People Politics

My mother loved children – she would have given anything if I had been one.

(1890 – 1977) comedian, actor & television host
Children Family People Self

I didn’t know you could name a Puerto Rican ‘Israel’ ‘cause I’m pretty sure you’ll never meet a Jew named ‘Puerto Rico.'

American comedian & actor
People

Vegetarian: A good salad citizen.

Food/Drink People

Love your enemies; it makes them so damned mad.

(1909 – 1986) American screenwriter, children's author & illustrator
People

Walter Mondale has all the charisma of:a speed bump.

(1952 – ) American political satirist
Insults People

A gentleman is one who never hurts anyone's feelings unintentionally.

(1854 – 1900) Irish dramatist, novelist & poet
Characteristics People

Ronnie's hero is Calvin Coolidge and Nancy's is Calvin Klein.

(1903 – 2003) English-born American comedian & actor
People

Fettucini Alfredo is macaroni and cheese for adults.

(1968 – 2005) American stand-up comedian
Food/Drink People

The amount of expertise varies in inverse proportion to the number of statements understood by the general public.

Intelligence Murphy’s Laws People Understanding

As you get older, the pickings get slimmer, but the people don't.

(1956 – ) author & movie actress
Age Appearance Body Old People

You mean there aren't enough people mad at me already?

(1911 – 2004) 40th U.S. president & actor
People Self

We have the power to do any damn fool thing we want to do, and we seem to do it about every ten minutes.

(1905 – 1995) U.S. senator (Arkansas)
Government People Self

I’ve got a kid in Africa that I feed, that I clothe, that I school, that I inoculate for 75 cents a day… which is practically nothing compared to what it cost to send him there.

(1978 – ) American writer & stand-up comedian
People

There are more horses’ asses in this world than there are horses.

Animals Murphy’s Laws People

The problem with the common person is that he is so unbearably common!

(1854 – 1900) Irish dramatist, novelist & poet
People