Subject: People (Page 36)

The income tax has made more liars out of the American people than golf has.

(1879 – 1935) humorist & social commentator
America Golf Government People Sports Taxes

Women… if they're not turning down your proposals for marriage, they're accusing you of suspicious behavior in the women's lingerie changing room.

(1947 – ) American actor & entrepreneur
TV/Movie Quotes Women

Whatever women do they must do twice as well as men to be thought half as good… luckily, this is not difficult.

(1896 – 1975) Canadian mayor (Ottawa) & feminist
Men People Women

If one could only teach the English how to talk, and the Irish how to listen, society here would be quite civilized.

(1854 – 1900) Irish dramatist, novelist & poet
Communication England People Places Speech

Employees in a hierarchy do not really object to incompetence in their colleagues.

Murphy’s Laws People

We journalists make it a point to know very little about an extremely wide variety of topics; this is how we stay objective.

(1947 – ) American columnist & humorist
Intelligence People

A celebrity is one who is known to many persons he is glad he doesn't know.

(1788 – 1824) English poet
People

We would all like to vote for the best man but he is never a candidate.

(1868 – 1930) cartoonist, humorist & journalist
People Politics

You know that look women get when they want sex… me, neither.

(1958 – ) standup comedian, actor, game show host & photographer
People Sex Women

There are only two kinds of men; the dead and the deadly.

(1876 – 1950) journalist & humorist
Men People

Of course they have, otherwise I wouldn't be sitting here talking to someone like you.

(1901 – 2000) English author
Characteristics England People

My movies were the kind they show in prisons and on airplanes, because no one can leave.

(1936 – 2018) American actor
Entertainment Film People Self

Any child can tell you that the sole purpose of a middle name is so he can tell when he’s in trouble.

Lutheran minister
People

Most Texans think Hanukkah is some sort of duck call.

(1947 – ) comedian & actor
People Situations

I've never been married, but I tell people I'm divorced so they won't think something's wrong with me.

(1952 – ) comedian
Marriage People Self

I have decided to keep a full journal, in the hope that my life will perhaps seem more interesting when it is written down.

(1946 – 2014) English writer & humorist
Books Communication People Self

Television is the triumph of machine over people.

(1894 – 1956) American radio comedian
Entertainment People Television

Sadist: A person who is kind to a masochist.

Definitions People Wordplay

I would like it if four people did a cartwheel all at once… so I can make a cart.

(1968 – 2005) American stand-up comedian
People Situations

Utter cowards who force their own children to drink wine, they gibber like baboons even when you try to speak to them in their own wimpy language.

(1947 – ) author, humorist & satirist
Insults People

He who disagrees with me in private, call him a fool; he who disagrees with me in public, call him an ambulance.

(1967 – ) English comedian
Conflict People Self