Subject: People (Page 38)

At the age of eleven or thereabouts women acquire a poise and an ability to handle difficult situations which a man, if he is lucky, manages to achieve somewhere in the later seventies.

(1881 – 1975) English writer & humorist
Characteristics Men People Women

The Bible declares that on the sixth day God created man; right then and there, God should have demanded a damage deposit.

(1943 – ) U.S. agriculture commissioner, columnist, activist & author
Beliefs God People

He's the type who will cut your throat behind your back.

(1908 – 1997) German-born teacher, academic & humorist
Malaprops People

My ancestors didn't come over on the Mayflower, but they were there to meet the boat.

(1879 – 1935) humorist & social commentator
History People Things Time

Murphy’s Law was not propounded by Murphy, but by another man of the same name.

Murphy’s Laws People

Why do you have to be a nonconformist like everybody else?

(1894 – 1961) author, cartoonist & humorist
Characteristics People

You know your girlfriend is too young when she’ll do everything in bed but go upside down because it’s too scary.

(1975 – ) American stand-up comedian & television host
Age Girlfriends Sex Young

I can do some things now that I couldn't do when I was 17, like date high school girls.

(1955 – ) American stand-up comedian
Age Dating Girls People Relationships Young

If the world should blow itself up, the last audible voice would be that of an expert saying it can’t be done.

(1921 – 2004) English actor & author
People

Some people pay a compliment as if they expected a receipt.

(1868 – 1930) cartoonist, humorist & journalist
Characteristics Communication People

People who think money can do anything may very well be suspected of doing anything for money.

author
Money People

Average Man: A person who doesn’t want much, and usually gets a little less than that.

Definitions People

The best accessory a girl can have is her best friend.

(1981 – ) heiress, socialite, media personality & model
Appearance Friends Travel

I never lecture, not because I am shy or a bad speaker, but simply because I detest the sort of people who go to lectures and don't want to meet them.

(1880 – 1956) journalist, essayist, editor & satirist
Communication People Speech

My first words were ‘Seconds, please.’

(1953 – ) American comedian & television host
Communication Eating Food/Drink Self Speech

… it was a Jewish porno film… one minute of sex and nine minutes of guilt.

(1935 – 2014) American comedian, television personality, writer & director
Characteristics People

Sex is God's joke on human beings.

(1908 – 1989) American actress of film, television & theater
Beliefs God People Sex

Friend: A good friend is like a good bra… hard to find, supportive, comfortable, and always close to your heart.

Definitions Friends People

An optimist in Canada is someone who thinks things could be worse.

(1942 – ) Canadian politician
Canada People Places

Second-rate people hire third-rate people.

Murphy’s Laws People Work

Only when one has lost all curiosity about the future has one reached the age to write an autobiography.

(1903 – 1966) English writer
Books Communication People Self