Subject: People (Page 39)

Why is the winner of the Miss Universe contest always from Earth?

(1954 – ) American comedian, writer & musician
People Situations

My ancestors didn't come over on the Mayflower, but they were there to meet the boat.

(1879 – 1935) humorist & social commentator
History People Things Time

Reckless Driver: One who passes you on the highway in spite of all you can do.

Definitions People

No man knows more about women than I do… and I know nothing.

(1871 – 1949) British actor, playwright, screenwriter, manager & producer
People Women

It’s time for the human race to enter the solar system.

(1947 – ) U.S. vice president & politician
Misspokements People

Man has his will, but woman has her way.

(1809 – 1894) physician, professor, lecturer & author
Men People Women

With my ol’ man, I got no respect. He told me to start at the bottom. He was teaching me how to swim.

(1921 – 2004) stand-up comedian & actor
Activities Mothers Self

I believe in loyalty… when a woman reaches an age she likes, she should stick with it.

(1919 – 1995) Hungarian-born American socialite & actress
Age Old People Women

Say what you will about Gypsy women, but they are remarkable assessors of blues guitar talent.

(1970 –) American stand-up comedian
People

How attractive a given person appears to be is directly proportionate to how unattractive your date is.

Appearance Dating Murphy’s Laws People Relationships

A man can be happy with any woman as long as he does not love her.

(1854 – 1900) Irish dramatist, novelist & poet
Emotions Happiness Love Men Women

Expert: A person who knows enough about what’s really going on to be scared.

(1944 – ) American author & entrepreneur
People

My girlfriend makes me want to be a better person – so I can get a better girlfriend.

(1978 – ) American writer & stand-up comedian
Girlfriends People

I think that God in creating man somewhat overestimated his ability.

(1854 – 1900) Irish dramatist, novelist & poet
Beliefs God People

A gentleman never swears at his wife when ladies are present.

Characteristics Men People

The hands on my biological clock are giving me the finger.

(1961 – ) American stand-up comedian
Age People Self Time

Democracy is the recurrent suspicion that more than half of the people are right more than half the time.

(1899 – 1985) US author & humorist
Democracy Government People

When I don't look like the tragic muse, I look like the smoky relic of the great Boston Fire.

(1832 – 1888) novelist
Appearance People Self

Behind every great man there lies a great woman… and one in front of him as well if he’s lucky.

(1967 – ) English comedian
Men People Women

This weekend President Bush gave a speech honoring Abraham Lincoln’s birthday.  There was an awkward moment when Bush referred to Lincoln as “the guy who invented the penny.”

(1963 – ) television host & comedian
Intelligence People

Neighbors: People who live near you, who are never around when you need to borrow power tools or jumper cables, but who are everywhere when you are having a heated argument with your spouse.

Definitions People