Subject: People (Page 4)

Men are like parking spaces: the good ones are already taken and the ones left are either too small or disabled.

Men People

Adam and Eve had many advantages, but the principal one was that they escaped teething.

Samuel Clemens (1835 – 1910) author & humorist
People

The only time a woman really succeeds in changing a man is when he's a baby.

(1938 – 1981) American actress
Men People Women

I did think about adopting… an 18-year-old girl from Thailand, whose hobbies include vacuuming and some light dusting.

(1964 – ) American stand-up comedian & actor
Girls Housework People Relationships

Mexicans are always tough with lots of heart; Koreans raw and gritty; the poor British tend to stand up straight and take it on the chops, bleeding almost before the opening bell.

Canadian sportswriter
Boxing People Sports

Some men are alive simply because it is against the law to kill them.

(1853 – 1937) journalist, writer & editor
Characteristics Law People

An optimist in Canada is someone who thinks things could be worse.

(1942 – ) Canadian politician
Canada People Places

You might be a redneck if… your Junior/Senior Prom had a Daycare.

(1958 – ) stand-up comedian & television personality
People Rednecks

My girlfriend was so fat her clothes were made by Omar the tent maker.

(1921 – 2004) stand-up comedian & actor
Appearance Body Fat Girlfriends

Gentleman: A man who remembers a woman’s birthday but forgets her age.

Definitions Men People

Maybe we weren't at the Last Supper, but we're certainly going to be at the next one.

(1920 – 1998) lawyer, congresswoman, & women's movement activist
People Women

What do hookers do on their nights off – type?

(1952 – ) comedian
People Work

A committee can make a decision that is dumber than any of its members.


Intelligence People

I always thought I'd go to the Oscars, but only as a stalker.

(1953 – ) comedian, dancer & writer
Entertainment Film People Self

A man will fantasize that he’s having sex with someone else; a woman will fantasize she’s having sex with anyone else.

(1957 – ) British stand-up comedian
Men People Sex Women

Bachelor: A man who can get out of bed from either side.

Definitions Marriage Men People

Bauer taught me how to dress, how to talk — and how to drink.

(1931 – 1995) American baseball player
Baseball People Sports

Women with "pasts" interest men because men hope that history will repeat itself.

(1893 – 1980) actress, playwright, screenwriter & sex symbol
Characteristics Men Past People Women

Everything happens to everybody sooner or later if there is time enough.

(1856 – 1950) Irish playwright & socialist
People Situations Time

I want to donate a large amount of money to a rape clinic and I won't take no for an answer.

Canadian stand-up comedian, actor & writer
People

An expert is a person who has made all the mistakes that can be made in a very narrow field.

(1885 – 1962) Danish physicist
Mistakes People Problems