Subject: People (Page 46)

Support bacteria – they're the only culture some people have.

(1955 – ) comedian, actor & writer
Entertainment People

Is it true that cannibals don't eat clowns because they taste funny?

(1937 – 2008) stand-up comedian, social critic, actor & author
Eating Food/Drink People

I never met a man I didn’t like until I met Will Rogers.

(1927 – ) Canadian-born American comedian & actor
People

Where would I be without my sense of direction.

(1933 – ) English author & cartoonist
Language People Self

I used to be scared of pretty girls, until one confessed they’re just as scared of me.

(1956 – ) American comedian
Relationships Self

I'm not indecisive; am I indecisive?

(1947 – ) American politician & mayor
Characteristics Self

[Dan] Quayle thinks Roe vs. Wade are two ways to cross the Potomac.

(1903 – 2003) English-born American comedian & actor
People

I used to get bummed out when it rained; then I realized that it's God's way of washing off hippies.

(1973 – ) American comedian
Beliefs God People

You think of me as narcissistic when actually I'm just oblivious to other people.

(1954 – ) American stand-up comedian
Characteristics People Self

True friends stab you in the front.

(1854 – 1900) Irish dramatist, novelist & poet
Conflict Friends Old People

You might be a redneck if… you think "fast food" is hitting a possum at 65 miles an hour.

(1958 – ) stand-up comedian & television personality
Animals People Rednecks

One of the best things in the world to be is a boy; it requires no experience, but needs some practice to be a good one.

(1829 – 1900) American essayist & novelist
Men People

For guys, sex is like going to a restaurant, and no matter what you order off that menu, you walk out of there going, ‘Damn, that was good!'

(1964 – ) American writer, stand-up comedian, actress, television host
Men People Sex

Nixon's the kind of guy that if you were drowning 50 feet off shore, he'd throw you a 30 foot rope; then Kissinger would go on TV the next night and say that the President had met you more than half-way.

(1927 – ) Canadian-born American comedian & actor
Characteristics People

Ingrate: A man who bites the hand that feeds him, and then complains of indigestion.

Definitions People

At the age of eleven or thereabouts women acquire a poise and an ability to handle difficult situations which a man, if he is lucky, manages to achieve somewhere in the later seventies.

(1881 – 1975) English writer & humorist
Characteristics Men People Women

I think that God in creating man somewhat overestimated his ability.

(1854 – 1900) Irish dramatist, novelist & poet
Beliefs God People

The only imperfect thing in nature is the human race.

Murphy’s Laws People

It’s amazing the fans want to see me play; it’s kind of scary; I guess that’s what’s wrong with our society.

professional baseball player
People Self

Although humans tend to view sex as mainly a fun recreational activity sometimes resulting in death, in nature it is a far more serious matter.

(1947 – ) American columnist & humorist
People Sex

The definition of black irony is Pro-lifers killing Doctors who do abortions.

(1961 – 1994) comedian
People