Subject: People (Page 48)

The Bible contains six admonishments to homosexuals and 362 admonishments to heterosexuals. That doesn’t mean that God doesn’t love heterosexuals, it’s just that they need more supervision.

(1959 – ) Australian writer & television producer
People Sex

I am a success today because I had a friend who believed in me and I didn’t have the heart to let him down.

(1809 – 1865) 16th U.S. president
Friends People Relationships Success Young

To be happy with a woman you must love her a lot and not try to understand her at all.

(1876 – 1950) journalist & humorist
Emotions Happiness Love People Women

I have given up reading books; I find it takes my mind off myself.

(1906 – 1972) pianist, composer, author, comedian & actor
Books Communication People Reading/Writing Self

I always like to know everything about my new friends, and nothing about my old ones.

(1854 – 1900) Irish dramatist, novelist & poet
Friends Intelligence Old People

There are two things no man will admit he cannot do well: drive and make love.

(1929 – ) English race car driver
Autos Driving Men People Sex

A Canadian is merely an unarmed American with health care. 

Canadian comedian & author
America Canada People Places

I don’t want to say too much about illegal immigration; I’m afraid my views will be reported on the Cinco O’Clock News.

(1927 – 1997) Am. comedian & satirist notable for mock presidential campaign
People Television

Average Man: A person who doesn’t want much, and usually gets a little less than that.

Definitions People

My girlfriend was so fat her clothes were made by Omar the tent maker.

(1921 – 2004) stand-up comedian & actor
Appearance Body Fat Girlfriends

Indians are born with an instinct for riding, rowing, hunting, fishing, and swimming; Americans are born with an instinct for fooling around with machines.

(1908 – 1981) American dramatist & author
People

I was such a nerd in high school, I didn't even have imaginary friends, I had imaginary bullies.

(1966 – ) American actor, musician & comedian
Characteristics People Self

It is important to our friends to believe that we are unreservedly frank with them, and important to friendship that we are not.

(1913 – 1983) journalist & author
Characteristics Friends Honesty People

No man goes before his time… unless the boss leaves early.

(1890 – 1977) comedian, actor & television host
Individuals People Time Work

The optimist invents the airplane and the pessimist the parachute.

(1890 – 1973) English writer & critic
Characteristics People

The reports on human progress are beginning to come in, and some are a little discouraging.

(1933 – ) English author & cartoonist
Life People

They laughed when I said I was going to be a comedian; well, they’re not laughing now.

(1928 – 2003) English entertainer
Emotions Entertainment Laughter People

They’re the only couples you’ll ever find poking around for ceramics and candle holders in the winery gift shop and both parties really want to be there.

(1957 – 2007) American stand-up comedian & actor
People

You might be a redneck if… the blue book value of your truck goes up and down depending on how much gas it has in it.

(1958 – ) stand-up comedian & television personality
People Rednecks Things

A woman will lie about anything, just to stay in practice.

(1888 – 1959) detective novelist & screenwriter
Characteristics Honesty Lies People Women

Americans like fat books and thin women.

(1925 – ) columnist & journalist
Appearance Body Books Communication People Reading/Writing Women