Subject: People (Page 51)

To make an enemy, do someone a favor.

Murphy’s Laws People Situations

You know a man is a redneck if his mama has got in a fistfight at a high school sporting event.

(1926 – 1998) American country comedian
People Rednecks

A man could not be in two places at the same time unless he were a bird.

(1736 – 1807) Irish politician
Misspokements People

Americans are like the straight, white man of cultures.

(1978 – ) Australian comedian, writer & actress
America People Places

My makeup team is nominated for “Best Special Effects.”

(1935 – 2014) American comedian, television personality, writer & director
Appearance Self

I'm not a competitive person… I'll be the first to admit it.

Canadian stand-up comedian, actor & writer
People Self

Those whose approval you seek the most give you the least.

public relations manager
Characteristics Murphy’s Laws People

Every time I sew a button back onto a shirt, there are then two solid minutes where I sincerely believe I would've survived the Oregon Trail.

(1982 – ) American comedian & actress
People Self

Employees in a hierarchy do not really object to incompetence in their colleagues.

Murphy’s Laws People

I have a girlfriend… I’ve been going out with my girlfriend for …….. sex!

Canadian stand-up comedian, actor & writer
Girlfriends Relationships Sex

Some persons are likable in spite of their unswerving integrity.

(1878 – 1937) humorist, journalist & author
Characteristics Honesty People

Italians are fantastic people, really; they can work you over in an alley while singing an opera.

(1926 – 2017) American stand-up comedian & actor
Insults People

There's nothing like a good dose of another woman to make a man appreciate his wife.

(1903 – 1987 diplomat, playwright, journalist & politician
Husbands Marriage People Wives

Delusions of grandeur make me feel a lot better about myself.

(1935 – ) screenwriter, author, director & producer
Characteristics Emotions People Self

The first sentence that I was taught to say by my parents as a little boy was: “Of course I know that I’m wrong.”

(1947 – ) comedian & actor
Communication People Self Speech

Old ladies in wheelchairs with blankets over their legs, I don’t think so… retired mermaids.

(1964 – ) English comedian
Age Old People Women

It's far easier to forgive an enemy after you've got even with him.

(1918 - 2002) American author
Characteristics People

I’m not a lesbian… but I play one in the home movies my husband forces me to make.

(1996 – ) American comedian
People Self

A man can be happy with any woman as long as he does not love her.

(1854 – 1900) Irish dramatist, novelist & poet
Emotions Happiness Love Men Women

I couldn’t be a responsible enough parent if my kid was born with a new suit and a full-time job.

(1967 – ) American stand-up comedian & actor
Characteristics Self

As a general thing, when a woman wears the pants in a family, she has a good right to them.

(1818 – 1885) humorist
Family Women