Subject: People (Page 54)

Testosterone: Hormone which causes facial hair, muscularity, a deep voice, speeding tickets, the desire to watch professional wrestling, Arnold Shwarzenegger movies, war, fist fights, and the need to purchase cocktails for women with names like “Boom Boom. ”

Definitions Men

What shall we call our son so he does not get the shit kicked out of him at school? … we shall call him Englebert Humperdink… yes, that'll work.

(1962 – ) English stand-up comedian & actor
People

A Canadian is sort of like an American, but without the gun.

America Arms Conflict People Places

Nothing annoys a woman more than to have company drop in unexpectedly and find the house looking as it usually does.

(1902 – 1963) Danish actor
Housework People Situations

I suffer fools gladly because I am one of them.

(1921 – 2001) Welsh comedian & singer
Fools Intelligence People Self

The main trouble with women is that they will just not put the seat back up again.

(1961 – ) English actor & comedian
People Women

If there is reincarnation and I come back as myself, I’ll kill myself.

(1947 – ) comedian & actor
Self

An economist is a man who knows a hundred ways of making love but doesn’t know any women.

(1925 – 2007) humorist & columnist
Sex Women

You might be a redneck if… your ironing board doubles as a buffet table.

(1958 – ) stand-up comedian & television personality
People Rednecks Things

The fastest way to meet new people is to pick up somebody else's change at a cocktail bar.

(1920 – 2001) American writer & humorist
Money People

The reliability of machinery is inversely proportional to the number and significance of any persons watching it.

Murphy’s Laws People Problems

Everyone should have to wait tables for one year of their lives, so they realize their ranch dressing isn’t that fucking important.

(1975 – ) American stand-up comedian & television host
Life Occupations People Work

People seldom become famous for what they say until after they are famous for what they've done.

(1923 – ) American quote & quip writer
People Speech Success

It's our fault… we should have given him better parts.

(1892 – 1978) Canadian-American film producer (Warner Brothers)
Acting Government People

If a man is talking in the forest, and there is no woman there to hear him, is he still wrong?

Communication Men People Speech Women

Two hundred million Americans, and there ain’t two good catchers among ‘em.

(1890 – 1975) American baseball manager
America Baseball People Sports

It was a hard name to have growing up as a child; kids would call me names like “Birbiglebug” and “Birbibliography” and “Faggot.”

(1978 – ) American comedian & writer
People Self

In California everyone goes to a therapist, is a therapist , or is a therapist going to a therapist.

(1924 – 1984) American author
Occupations People Places Work

Man has his will, but woman has her way.

(1809 – 1894) physician, professor, lecturer & author
Men People Women

Nobody really cares or understands what anyone else is doing.

Murphy’s Laws People

Any jackass can kick down a barn but it takes a good carpenter to build one.

(1908 – 1973) 36th U.S. president
People