Subject: People (Page 57)

Man is a beautiful machine that works very badly.

(1880 – 1956) journalist, essayist, editor & satirist
People

An expert is a person who has made all the mistakes that can be made in a very narrow field.

(1885 – 1962) Danish physicist
Mistakes People Problems

A wedding invitation is sent by people who have been saying, “Do we have to ask them?” to people whose first response is, “How much do you think we have to spend on them?”

(1938 – ) journalist, columnist (Miss Manners)
Money People

My mom said the only reason men are alive is for lawn care and vehicle maintenance.

(1953 – ) comedian & actor
Men Mothers People

Friend: A person who listens attentively while you say nothing.

Definitions Friends People

And most men seem to think ‘mutual orgasm’ is an insurance company.

(1958 – ) Australian author
Men People Sex

Most of the men sitting in first class on an airplane have really boring jobs.

(1953 – ) comedian, dancer & writer
Men People

When I was 16 years old, the morning of my birthday, my parents tried to surprise me with a car, but they missed.

American comedian
Family Parents Self Situations

I was at a party a couple of weeks ago, talking to this guy about the Gaza Strip; he thought it was the adhesive side of a maxi pad.

(1961 – ) comedian, writer, radio & television personality & blogger
Conversation People Stupidity Things

Girls, give all your gentlemen friends an even break, even if you have to break them in the attempt.

(1893 – 1980) actress, playwright, screenwriter & sex symbol
Characteristics Men

My coach said I ran like a girl, I said if he could run a little faster he could too.

1972 – ) American soccer player
Sports Women

If she gets a hot flash and walks into a cold room, she can make it rain.

American actor & comedian
Health People Women

You might be a redneck if… an episode of Walker, Texas Ranger changed your life.

(1958 – ) stand-up comedian & television personality
Age Old People Television

The English are not very spiritual people, so they invented cricket to give them some idea of eternity.

(1856 – 1950) Irish playwright & socialist
England People Places Sports Time

The income tax has made more liars out of the American people than golf has.

(1879 – 1935) humorist & social commentator
America Golf Government People Sports Taxes

War does not determine who is right – only who is left.

(1856 – 1950) Irish playwright & socialist
Conflict People War

I was in the supermarket the other day, and I met a lady in the aisle where they keep the generic brands; her name was “woman.”

(1955 – ) comedian, actor & writer
People Women

It is important to our friends to believe that we are unreservedly frank with them, and important to friendship that we are not.

(1913 – 1983) journalist & author
Characteristics Friends Honesty People

Y Chromosome: The cause of virility, war, baldness, hockey, sex crimes, clever inventions and a disinclination to ask for directions when lost.

Definitions Men

Snobs talk as if they had begotten their ancestors.

(1897 – 1980) American journalist and historian & newspaper editor
Characteristics People

We have met the enemy and it is us.

(1913 – 1973) American animator & cartoonist (Pogo)
People Signs