Subject: People (Page 6)

Opportunity knocks for every man, but you have to give a woman a ring.

(1893 – 1980) actress, playwright, screenwriter & sex symbol
Men People Women

If my books had been any worse, I should not have been invited to Hollywood, and if they had been any better, I should not have come.

(1888 – 1959) detective novelist & screenwriter
Books Communication Self

My girl works at Hooters… in the kitchen.

(1968 – 2005) American stand-up comedian
Girlfriends People Work

There are two theories to arguing with women… neither one works.

People Women

No one is completely unhappy at the failure of his best friend.

(1890 – 1977) comedian, actor & television host
Age Emotions Failure Friends

Sadist: A person who is kind to a masochist.

Definitions People Wordplay

It’s not the people who vote that count, it’s the people who count the votes.

(1878 – 1953) Soviet politician, leader of the Soviet Union
Elections/Voting Government People

Men are people that have sex because they have a headache… or are on fire, or have been shot in the head, or whatever it is!

(1971 – ) Irish comedian, actor & writer
Men People Sex

Sometimes I think [my writing] sounds like I walked out of the room and left the typewriter running.

(1890 – 1960) journalist, author & dramatist
Communication Reading/Writing Self

I’m fairly certain that the only reason I was born crippled was because God knew I wouldn’t be able to resist the urge to become a stripper.

American comedian
Health People Self

I had slumps that lasted into the winter.

(1935 – ) American baseball player, sportscaster, comedian & actor
Baseball Failure Self Sports

I will never give up; I’m in my 14th year of a ten-day beauty plan.

(1917 – 2012) comedian & actress
Appearance Self

Do you know why it's so hard to solve a Redneck murder?… 'cause there's no dental records and all the DNA is the same.

(1958 – ) stand-up comedian & television personality
Conflict Killing People Rednecks

My beard is the only beard in the history of Western civilization that makes Bob Dylan's look good.

American basketball player
Basketball People Self Sports

The only difference between friends and lovers is about four minutes.

writer, website creator
Friends Old People

My girlfriend always laughs during sex… no matter what she’s reading.

(1955 –2011) business magnate, co-founder & CEO of Apple
Emotions Girlfriends Laughter Relationships Sex

Death to all fanatics!

(1955 – ) comedian, actor & writer
Beliefs People

I've never been married, but I tell people I'm divorced so they won't think something's wrong with me.

(1952 – ) comedian
Marriage People Self

As youse people say, Sh-boom.

television character, All In the Family (Carroll O’Connor)
Malaprops People

They say if the Swiss had designed these mountains… they’d be flatter.

(1941 – ) novelist
People Places

On a long enough timeline, the survival rate for everyone drops to zero.

(1962 – ) writer & journalist
Death People Time