Subject: People (Page 61)

A consultant is a person who takes your money and annoys your employees while tirelessly searching for the best way to extend the consulting contract.

(1957 – ) cartoonist (Dilbert)
People

People who say they don't care what people think are usually desperate to have people think they don't care what people think.

(1937 – 2008) stand-up comedian, social critic, actor & author
Characteristics Opinion People

The funniest thing about some people is that they have no sense of humor.

(1933 – ) English author & cartoonist
Emotions People

Sometimes people have had terrible childhoods… and sometimes they just haven’t found their special place in life… and sometimes they’re dogs from hell and must be destroyed.

(1912 – 1988) American cartoonist (The Addams Family)
People Situations

How can you tell if a Korean broke into your house?… your dog is missing, and your homework is done.

(1962 – ) American television host, actress & comedian
Animals Dogs People School

Girls are like pianos… when they're not upright, they're grand.

(1924 – 1992) English comedian & actor
Girls People Women

You might be a redneck if… you refer to the time you won a free case of motor oil as, “the day my ship came in.”

(1958 – ) stand-up comedian & television personality
People Rednecks

Three may keep a secret… if two of them are dead.

(1706 – 1790) American statesman, author, scientist & inventor
Communication People

I went to Boston College; it’s a Catholic college, yeah I had a nickname there: Jew.

(1970 –) American stand-up comedian
People Self

It's hard to be religious when certain people are never incinerated by bolts of lightning.

(1955 – ) cartoonist (Calvin and Hobbes)
Beliefs People Religion

I’m not saying she’s easy, but she’s been in so many motel rooms her nickname is ‘Gideon.’

(1935 – 2014) American comedian, television personality, writer & director
People Sex Women

Always forgive your enemies; nothing annoys them so much.

(1854 – 1900) Irish dramatist, novelist & poet
People

I don’t like Jew jokes and black jokes, and they make me very uncomfortable, probably because I’m both; well, I’m not black – but if I was then I could dance better.

(1983 – ) American comedian
People

You might be a redneck if… your family always goes to the movies in groups of 18 or more 'cause they were told 17 and under are not admitted.

(1958 – ) stand-up comedian & television personality
Intelligence People Rednecks Stupidity

I drink to make other people seem more interesting.

(1882 – 1958) drama critic, editor
Alcohol Food/Drink People

If all the rich people in the world divided up their money among themselves, there wouldn't be enough to go around.

(1902 – 1983) Australian novelist & short-story writer
Money People Wealth

Any child can tell you that the sole purpose of a middle name is so he can tell when he’s in trouble.

Lutheran minister
People

Hell is easy to define; it would be spending eternity with Evangelicals.

American judge & lawyer
Beliefs Opinion People Religion

I am a man of fixed and unbending principles, the first of which is to be flexible at all times.

(1896 – 1969) American congressman & senator (Illinois)
Characteristics People Self

People who think money can do anything may very well be suspected of doing anything for money.

author
Money People

The last time a straight man worked in the fashion industry, we got a fanny pack.

(1975 – ) American stand-up comedian, television host, actress, & author
Appearance Clothing People