Subject: People (Page 65)

Some drink at the fountain of knowledge; others just gargle.

Alcohol Intelligence People

God is silent; now if only man would shut up.

(1935 – ) movie actor, director & comedian
Beliefs God People

My shrink told me that my happiness was stress related.

(1947 – ) comedian & actor
Emotions Happiness Self

I don’t give a damn for a man that can only spell a word one way.

Samuel Clemens (1835 – 1910) author & humorist
Communication Language People

I told my kids, “Someday, you’ll have kids of your own.” One of them said, “So will you.”

(1921 – 2004) stand-up comedian & actor
Children Family People Self

Some of the world’s greatest feats were accomplished by people not smart enough to know they were impossible.

(1926 – ) newspaper columnist
People Success

The perfect lover is one who turns into a pizza at 4:00 a.m.

(1926 – 1999) actor, comedian & female impersonator
Food/Drink People

There are two times in a woman’s life when clothes are important: when she is young and when she is old.

writer
Appearance Clothing People Women

No one is rich enough to do without a neighbor.

People Proverbs Wealth

The minute you settle for less than you deserve, you get even less than you settled for.

(1952 – ) American columnist & author
People Self Situations

People become progressively less competent for jobs they once were well equipped to handle.

Murphy’s Laws People Work

Comparing Madonna with Marilyn Monroe is like comparing Raquel Welch with the back of a bus.

George Alan O'Dowd (1961 – ) British singer-songwriter
Appearance Body People

People like to hear me say 'shit' in my gorgeous voice.

(1904 – 2000) English actor, director & producer
Acting Entertainment People Self

How can we possibly use sex to get what we want? … sex is what we want!

(1955 – ) American actor, comedian, producer, director & singer
Men Sex

For some not to be martyrs is martyrdom indeed.

(1908 – 1997) German-born teacher, academic & humorist
People Situations

The English are not very spiritual people, so they invented cricket to give them some idea of eternity.

(1856 – 1950) Irish playwright & socialist
England People Places Sports Time

The most important thing in a relationship between a man and a woman is that one of them must be good at taking orders.


Men Relationships Women

Wait till these Enron guys find out that in prison, the term "insider trading" has a whole new meaning.

(1950 – ) comedian & television host
People

Men, I feel, are like wine – before buying, a real connoisseur takes a small sip, and spits them out.

(1936 – 1993) British writer
Men People Relationships

My parents never understood me; they were Japanese.

(1919 – 1985) Scottish comedian & actor
Family Parents Self Understanding

My girlfriend wants me to choke her while we’re having sex… but I say, what’s wrong with while we’re having dinner?

(1978 – ) American writer & stand-up comedian
Girlfriends Relationships Sex