Subject: People (Page 66)

It was a hard name to have growing up as a child; kids would call me names like “Birbiglebug” and “Birbibliography” and “Faggot.”

(1978 – ) American comedian & writer
People Self

A woman is like a tea bag… you never know how strong she is until she gets in hot water.

(1884 – 1962) diplomat & reformer & first lady
People Women

I am… an inflated swimsuit.

(1966 – ) English dance-pop singer, actress & former model
Insults People Self

What men learn from history is that men do not learn from history.

Education History Learning Murphy’s Laws People Time

I know we were buddies because he threatened to kill me on no fewer than three occasions, and he did that only to his friends.

(1935) British film director, producer & food critic
Conflict Friends People Young

Some folks can look so busy doing nothing that they seem indispensable.

(1868 – 1930) cartoonist, humorist & journalist
People

Two in every one people in this country are schizophrenic.

People

I'm not really the type to wander off and sit down and go through deep wrestling with my soul.

(1946 – ) 43rd U.S. president
Characteristics People Self

He was a great friend of mine… well, as much as you could be a friend of his, unless you were a fourteen-year-old nymphet.

(1924 – 1984) American author
People

The littlest things can set women off – like, “Hey, the waitress is hot! I bet we could get her to come home with us.” Or, “How much does your mom weigh? I want to know what I’m getting into.”

(1980 – ) American actor, comedian & musician
People TV/Movie Quotes Women

I get up and a button falls off… I pick up my briefcase and the handle falls off; I'm afraid to go to the bathroom.

(1921 – 2004) stand-up comedian & actor
People Problems Self

You might be a redneck if… you think a hot tub is a stolen bathroom fixture.

(1958 – ) stand-up comedian & television personality
People Rednecks Things

To protect your position, fire the fastest rising employees first.

Murphy’s Laws People Situations Work

If a woman likes another woman, she's cordial; if she doesn't like her, she's very cordial.

(1876 – 1944) American author, humorist & columnist
People Women

You might be a redneck if… your underwear doubles as your bathing suit.

(1958 – ) stand-up comedian & television personality
People Rednecks

Intuition: The sixth sense that allows a woman five wrong guesses.

Definitions Women

Only when one has lost all curiosity about the future has one reached the age to write an autobiography.

(1903 – 1966) English writer
Books Communication People Self

Mankind is divisible into two great classes: hosts and guests.

Murphy’s Laws People

Common looking people are the best in the world: that is the reason the Lord makes so many of them.

(1809 – 1865) 16th U.S. president
Appearance People

I am a very committed wife, and I should be committed too – for being married so many times.

(1932 – 2011) British-American actress
Marriage Self Wives

The only thing creepier than seeing a guy in a Speedo is seeing a guy in a Speedo staring back at you.

American comedian & television host
People Situations Things