Subject: People (Page 68)

What’s a cult…it just means not enough people to make a minority.

(1925 – 2006) American film director, screenwriter & producer
Beliefs People

There are four kinds of people: those who sit quietly and do nothing, those who talk about sitting quietly and doing nothing, those who do things, and those who talk about doing things.

Communication Murphy’s Laws People Speech

Women who drink white wine either want to get married, sell you a piece of real estate, or redecorate your house; either way, it's expensive.

(1946 – 1994) writer & humorist
Marriage Money People Women

I think my girlfriend has had sixty-one boyfriends before me, because she calls me her sixty-second lover.

(1921 – 2004) stand-up comedian & actor
Girlfriends People Sex

Zoo: A place devised for animals to study the habits of human beings.

(1863 – 1935) British-born American writer, artist & illustrator
Animals Definitions People Places

Bimbo: Any woman to whom you pay a compliment, while in the company of your wife.

Definitions Women

My sex life is so bad, my G-spot has been declared a historical landmark.

(1935 – 2014) American comedian, television personality, writer & director
Self Sex

A clown is like aspirin, only he works twice as fast.

(1890 – 1977) comedian, actor & television host
Emotions People

I know what men want; men want to be really, really close to someone who will leave them alone.

(1952 – ) comedian
Men People Women

There are two things no man will admit he cannot do well: drive and make love.

(1929 – ) English race car driver
Autos Driving Men People Sex

Men love watches with multiple functions; my husband has one that is a combination address book, telescope and piano.

(1953 – ) comedian, dancer & writer
Men People Things

Women have a passion for mathematics; they divide their age in half, double the price of their clothes, and always add at least five years to the age of their best friend.

(1899 – 1974) French screenwriter, teacher & journalist
People Women

Remember that as a teenager you are at the last stage of your life when you will be happy to hear that the phone is for you.

(1950 – ) writer & humorist
Communication Life People Things

The quickest way to know a woman is to go shopping with her.

writer
Activities People Shopping Women

When I was born my father spent three weeks trying to find a loophole in my birth certificate.

(1924 – 1987) American stand-up ‘deadpan’ comedian and actor
Family Fathers People Self

Men who listen to classical music tend not to spit.

(1953 – ) comedian, dancer & writer
Entertainment Men People

No one ever went broke in Hollywood underestimating the intelligence of the public.

(1883 – 1963) American writer & hostess
Hollywood Intelligence People Places

I consider myself to be a pretty good judge of people…that's why I don't like any of them.”

(1952 – ) comedian, actress & writer
People

A lot of people are afraid of heights, but not me… I'm afraid of widths.

(1955 – ) comedian, actor & writer
Fear People

Cannibals prefer those who have no spines.

(1921 – 2006) Polish science fiction author
People

When I die, if the word ‘thong’ appears in the first or second sentence of my obituary, I’ve screwed up.

(1947 — ) American actor, writer, comedian & director
Death Self