Subject: People (Page 7)

Pretty women make us buy beer… ugly women make us drink beer.

(1946 – ) American actor
Beer Women

Nobody ever asks a father how he manages to combine marriage and a career.

(1920 – 2001) American writer & humorist
Marriage Men People Women

There are two theories to arguing with women… neither one works.

People Women

In life, it's not who you know that's important, it's how your wife found out.

(1911 – 1999) comedian, author & columnist
Marriage People Wives

Officials make work for each other.

Murphy’s Laws People Work

When a man is wrapped up in himself, he makes a pretty small package.

(1819 – 1900) English art critic, social thinker, poet & artist
People Self

Elections are when people find out what politicians stand for and politicians find out what people will fall for.

fictional mascot and cover boy of Mad, an American humor magazine
Elections/Voting Government People Politicians

He was once visiting the French Quarter during a hurricane and got blown behind a dumpster.

(1956 – ) comedian, television host, social critic & political commentator
People Places Sex

Some women pick men to marry; and others pick them to pieces.

(1893 – 1980) actress, playwright, screenwriter & sex symbol
Marriage Men People Women

These days, the problem with many neighborhoods is that there're more hoods than neighbors!

fictional mascot and cover boy of Mad, an American humor magazine
Conflict Crime People

He called me a ‘rapist’ and a ‘recluse’ … I’m not a recluse.

(1966 – ) American boxing champion
Insults People Self

You might be a redneck if… you've ever been too drunk to fish.

(1958 – ) stand-up comedian & television personality
Alcohol People Rednecks

Now there's a man with an open mind – you can feel the breeze from here!

(1890 – 1977) comedian, actor & television host
Individuals Insults Intelligence

Ten men in the country could buy the world and ten million can’t buy enough to eat.

(1879 – 1935) humorist & social commentator
America Money People Places Poverty

Puritanism: The haunting fear that someone, somewhere, may be happy.

(1880 – 1956) journalist, essayist, editor & satirist
Communication Happiness Language People

People who never get carried away should be.

(1919 – 1990) publisher & author
Characteristics Emotions People

My shrink told me it was pointless to believe in myself.

(1947 – ) comedian & actor
Beliefs Self

What men learn from history is that men do not learn from history.

Education History Learning Murphy’s Laws People Time

Manager: Someone who doesn’t know how to do your job, who tells you how to do your job.

Definitions People Work

Is it true that cannibals don't eat clowns because they taste funny?

(1937 – 2008) stand-up comedian, social critic, actor & author
Eating Food/Drink People

You might be a redneck if… you have the electronic singing fish in more than three rooms in your house.

(1958 – ) stand-up comedian & television personality
People Rednecks Things