Subject: People (Page 7)

A committee is a group of the unprepared, appointed by the unwilling to do the unnecessary.

(1894 – 1956) American radio comedian
People

Women: Can't live with them, can't bury them in the back yard without the neighbors seeing.

People Situations Women

The man who is a pessimist before 48 knows too much; if he is an optimist after it, he knows too little.

Samuel Clemens (1835 – 1910) author & humorist
Age Individuals People

I’m at a point where I want a man in my life, but not in my house. Just come in, attach the VCR, and get out.

(1942 – ) American comedian, writer, actress & television host
Men People Relationships

The trouble with the profit system has always been that it was highly unprofitable to most people.

(1899 – 1985) US author & humorist
Money People

A man may be a fool and not know it, but not if he is married.

(1880 – 1956) journalist, essayist, editor & satirist
Fools Marriage Men

Men mourn for what they have lost; women for what they ain't got.

(1818 – 1885) humorist
Men People Women

Some quiet guys are inwardly outgoing.

(1922 – 2014) American baseball player & announcer
Baseball Misspokements People Sports

Cricket is a game which the British, not being a spiritual people, had to invent in order to have some concept of eternity.

British politician
People Sports Time

I was walking in the park and this guy waved at me; then he said, ‘I’m sorry, I thought you were someone else.’ I said, ‘I am.

(1973 – ) American comedian
People Self Situations

It is a truth universally acknowledged that a single man in possession of a good fortune must be in want of a wife.

Marriage Men Murphy’s Laws People Wives

In elementary school, I made an ashtray for Dad… it caught fire.

(1955 – ) American actor, comedian, producer, director & singer
Self TV/Movie Quotes

You might be a redneck if… your belt buckle weighs more than three pounds.

(1958 – ) stand-up comedian & television personality
Clothing People Rednecks

Intuition: That strange instinct that tells a woman she is right, whether she is or not.

Characteristics Definitions People Women

If it wasn't for white people, who would play lead guitar?

(1954 – ) American actress & comedian
Entertainment Music People

It’s great that we’ve got a compassionate conservative, but to me, that sounds like a Volvo with a gun rack.

(1951 – 2014) comedian & actor
Beliefs Government People

Per capita – just about everyone has no idea what a ‘capita’ is.

(1973 – ) American comedian
People

The goal of all inanimate objects is to resist man and ultimately defeat him.

(1925 – ) columnist & journalist
People Things

I don’t believe in class differences, but luckily my butler disagrees with me.

(1931 – 1988) British magazine editor, political cartoonist & graphic artist
People

I read somewhere that men’s biggest fear is that women will laugh at them. And women’s biggest fear is that men will kill them… kind of different stakes that we’re working with.

(1978 – ) American stand-up comedian, actress & writer
Emotions Fear Men People Women

You might be a redneck if… you consider your license plate personalized because your dad made it in prison.

(1958 – ) stand-up comedian & television personality
Fathers People Rednecks