Subject: People (Page 72)

The higher a monkey climbs, the more you can see of its ass.

(Vinegar Joe) (1883 – 1946) American army general
Characteristics People

So, have you noticed there aren't a lot of Chinese guys named Rusty?

(1937 – 2008) stand-up comedian, social critic, actor & author
People

Nothing annoys a woman more than to have company drop in unexpectedly and find the house looking as it usually does.

(1902 – 1963) Danish actor
Housework People Situations

Body odor is nature’s alarm clock and a lot of people from my home town are hitting the snooze alarm.

American comedian
Appearance Body People

I’m at the age where food has taken over the role of sex in my life. In fact last night, I put a mirror over my kitchen table.

(1921 – 2004) stand-up comedian & actor
Food/Drink Self Sex

Barack Obama's approval ratings are so low there is talk of replacing him with Jay Leno.

(1961 – ) American stand-up comedian
Opinion People

To those she did not like… she was a stiletto made of sugar.

(1900 – 1969) American drama critic & author
People

A celebrity is a person who works hard all his life to become well known, then wears dark glasses to avoid being recognized.

(1894 – 1956) American radio comedian
People Success

People tell me there are a lot of guys like me, which doesn't explain why I'm lonely.

(1927 – ) Canadian-born American comedian & actor
People Self

Only one man in a thousand is a leader of men – the other 999 follow women.

(1890 – 1977) comedian, actor & television host
Characteristics Men Women

I thank God for creating gay men; because if it wasn’t for them, us fat women would have no one to dance with.

(1952 – ) comedian, actress & writer
People

Genealogy: Tracing yourself back to people better than you are.

Definitions Family People

My neighbor has a circular driveway… he can’t get out.

(1955 – ) comedian, actor & writer
Autos Friends Things

One of the best things people could do for their descendants would be to sharply limit the number of them.

(1918 - 2002) American author
People

A racing tipster who only reached Hitler's level of accuracy would not do well for his clients.

(1906 – 1990) British historian
People

Never offend people with style when you can offend them with substance.

Murphy’s Laws People Situations

People have one thing in common: they are all different.

People

The last time I played golf with President Ford he hit a birdie – and an eagle, a moose, an elk, an aardvark…

(1903 – 2003) English-born American comedian & actor
Golf People Sports

P.S. Did you ever notice that ‘Peter O'Toole’ is a double-phallic name?

(1890 – 1977) comedian, actor & television host
People

I don’t like Jew jokes and black jokes, and they make me very uncomfortable, probably because I’m both; well, I’m not black – but if I was then I could dance better.

(1983 – ) American comedian
People

I’m not a fighter, I’m a bleeder.

(1971 – ) Irish comedian, actor & writer
Conflict Fights Self