Subject: People (Page 74)

You know you're working class when your TV is bigger than your bookcase.

English standup comedian
Entertainment People Television

Human beings are the only creatures that allow their children to come back home.

(1937 – ) comedian & television actor
Children Parents People

Magicians disappear all the time, but as soon as a regular person does it, everyone is all scared… “Tom's gone! … Is he a magician?”… “No. … then let's print up some flyers!”

(1968 – 2005) American stand-up comedian
People Situations

The only decent people I ever saw at the racecourse were horses.


(1882 – 1941) Irish novelist & poet
People

The only time a woman really succeeds in changing a man is when he's a baby.

(1938 – 1981) American actress
Men People Women

The female sex has no greater fan than I, and I have the bills to prove it.

(1918 – 1986) American lyricist
Money People Women

The best way to turn a woman's head is to tell her she has a beautiful profile.

(1885 – 1957) French stage actor, film actor, director, screenwriter & playwright
People Women

It would have been a wonderful wedding – had it not been mine.

(1927 – 1996) columnist & humorist
Marriage People Self

Women are like cars: we all want a Ferrari, sometimes want a pickup truck, and end up with a station wagon.

(1953 – ) comedian & actor
Autos People Things Women

This increase in the world's population represents humanity’s victory against death.

(1932 – 1998) American professor of business administration
People

Life is strange; every so often a good man wins.

(1902 – 1963) Danish actor
Characteristics Individuals Life People Success

The Bible contains six admonishments to homosexuals and 362 admonishments to heterosexuals. That doesn’t mean that God doesn’t love heterosexuals, it’s just that they need more supervision.

(1959 – ) Australian writer & television producer
People Sex

It’s wonderful to meet so many friends that I didn’t used to like.

(1890 – 1975) American baseball manager
Age Friends Misspokements People

In every organization there will always be one person who knows what is going on… and this person must be fired.

Murphy’s Laws People Situations

I change girlfriends every seven years, a habit I picked up from broken mirrors.

(1880 – 1946) comedian, actor, juggler & writer
Dating Girlfriends People Relationships

Ninety-nine percent of the people in the world are fools and the rest of us are in great danger of contagion.

(1897 – 1975) American author & playwright
Fools Intelligence People

Italians are fantastic people, really; they can work you over in an alley while singing an opera.

(1926 – 2017) American stand-up comedian & actor
Insults People

If this is airing in the future and no one knows who Karl Rove is, he's the reason you all live underground.

(1974 – ) Russian-born American comedian, writer & filmmaker
Government People Situations

Show me a man who is a good loser and I’ll show you a man who is playing golf with his boss.

(1919 – 1998) American sportswriter
Golf People Situations Sports

I have no sex appeal and it has screwed me up for life; my gynecologist examines me by telephone.

(1935 – 2014) American comedian, television personality, writer & director
Characteristics Self Sex

An optimist is a person who starts a new diet on Thanksgiving Day.

(1912 – 2003) newspaper columnist
Characteristics People