Subject: People (Page 76)

A man always blames the woman who fooled him, in the same way he blames the door he walks into in the dark.

(1880 – 1956) journalist, essayist, editor & satirist
Men People Women

Bore: A person who deprives you with solitude without providing company.


Definitions People

I have lost friends, some by death… others through sheer inability to cross the street.

(1882 – 1941) English novelist, essayist, publisher & feminist
Accidents Age Death Friends People

You can always reason with a German… you can always reason with a barnyard animal, too, for all the good it does.

(1947 – ) author, humorist & satirist
Insults People

Bauer taught me how to dress, how to talk — and how to drink.

(1931 – 1995) American baseball player
Baseball People Sports

A man is incomplete until he is married; after that, he is finished.

(1917 – 2016) Hungarian-born American actress
Marriage Men People

A fan club is a group of people who tell an actor he is not alone in the way he feels about himself.

(1910 – 1963) Canadian-born U.S.-based film actor
People

Cogito cogito ergo cogito sum (I think that I think, therefore I think that I am.)

(1842 – 1914) author & satirist
Communication Intelligence Language Self

He from whom you first ask the way will be a stranger too.

Murphy’s Laws People

Even a sixty-year-old man with no arms thinks he could play in the Super Bowl if he had to.

(1953 – ) comedian, dancer & writer
Age Characteristics Men People Sports

You might be a redneck if… you have more belt-buckles than pants.

(1958 – ) stand-up comedian & television personality
Appearance Clothing People Rednecks

Politics is the pursuit of trivial men who, when they succeed at it, become important in the eyes of more trivial men.

(1882 – 1958) drama critic, editor
Government People Politicians

This is one race of people for whom psychoanalysis is of no use whatsoever.

(1856 – 1939) Austrian neurologist, father of psychoanalysis
Insults People

A plumber's idea of Cleopatra.

(1880 – 1946) comedian, actor, juggler & writer
People

Not one man in a beer commercial has a beer belly.

(1953 – ) comedian, dancer & writer
Alcohol Appearance Beer Body Men

Pizza is like a lady’s breasts: there’s good pizza… and there’s great pizza; but there isn’t bad pizza.

(1957 – 2007) American stand-up comedian & actor
Appearance Body Women

Hermits have no peer pressure.

(1955 – ) comedian, actor & writer
People

During sex I fantasize that I'm someone else.

(1947 – ) comedian & actor
People Self Sex

All right, brain, you don’t like me, and I don’t like you, but let's just get me through this, and I can get back to killing you with beer.

cartoon character in The Simpsons (Dan Castellaneta)
People Self TV/Movie Quotes

A good listener is usually thinking about something else.

(1868 – 1930) cartoonist, humorist & journalist
Intelligence People Thinking

People ask me how much I weigh. I tell them, 145 pounds, naked; that is, if that scale outside the drugstore is anything to go by.

(1956 – ) American comedian
Appearance Self