Subject: People (Page 79)

A healthy male adult bore consumes each year one and a half times his own weight in other people's patience.

(1932 – 2009) author, poet & critic
Characteristics People

One of the best things in the world to be is a boy; it requires no experience, but needs some practice to be a good one.

(1829 – 1900) American essayist & novelist
Men People

Neighbor: One whom we are commanded to love as ourselves, and who does all he knows how to make us disobedient.

(1842 – 1914) author & satirist
Definitions People

They say men have a sexual thought every 20 seconds… the other 19 are shame.

(1966 – ) American stand-up comedian, television writer/producer & radio host
Men People Sex

You might be a redneck if… one of your kids was born on a pool table.

(1958 – ) stand-up comedian & television personality
People Rednecks Situations

Men are brave enough to go to war, but they are not brave enough to get a bikini wax.

(1953 – ) comedian, dancer & writer
Characteristics Men People War

You know I'm the only Iraqi comedian… yeah true… at least that makes us three more than Germany.

(1965 – ) British-Iranian comedian, actor & writer
Entertainment Occupations People Places Work

People living in glass houses should not!

People Proverbs

If a woman tells you she's twenty and looks sixteen, she's twelve. If she tells you she's twenty-six and looks twenty-six, she's damn near forty.

(1965 – ) comedian, actor, screenwriter, television producer & director
Age Appearance People Women

I play sports…no I don’t… what the f**k?

(1968 – 2005) American stand-up comedian
Self Sports

If people were forced to eat what they killed, there would be no more wars.

(1936 – 1989) American social & political activist
Conflict Eating Killing People War

Every time I paint a portrait I lose a friend.

(1856 – 1925) American artist & portrait painter
Art Entertainment Friends People

You might be a redneck if… you have more belt-buckles than pants.

(1958 – ) stand-up comedian & television personality
Appearance Clothing People Rednecks

If there is reincarnation and I come back as myself, I’ll kill myself.

(1947 – ) comedian & actor
Self

Now there's a man with an open mind – you can feel the breeze from here!

(1890 – 1977) comedian, actor & television host
Individuals Insults Intelligence

If the world were a logical place, men would ride side saddle.

1944) is an American writer & screenwriter
Men People Places World

Ninety-nine percent of the people in the world are fools and the rest of us are in great danger of contagion.

(1897 – 1975) American author & playwright
Fools Intelligence People

Magicians disappear all the time, but as soon as a regular person does it, everyone is all scared… “Tom's gone! … Is he a magician?”… “No. … then let's print up some flyers!”

(1968 – 2005) American stand-up comedian
People Situations

History teaches us that men and nations behave wisely once they have exhausted all other alternatives.

History Murphy’s Laws People Wisdom

I have never met a man so ignorant that I couldn’t learn something from him.

(1564 – 1642) Italian astronomer, physicist, engineer, philosopher & mathematician
Intelligence People Self

One good reason to only maintain a small circle of friends is that three out of four murders are committed by people who know the victim.

(1937 – 2008) stand-up comedian, social critic, actor & author
Conflict Friends Killing People Young