Subject: People (Page 81)

If we men married the women we deserved, we should have a very bad time of it.

(1854 – 1900) Irish dramatist, novelist & poet
Marriage Men People Women

My ancestors didn't come over on the Mayflower, but they were there to meet the boat.

(1879 – 1935) humorist & social commentator
History People Things Time

Men and women belong to different species, and communication between them is a science still in its infancy.

(1937 – ) comedian & television actor
Communication Men People Science/Weather Women

I only have ‘yes’ men around me; who needs ‘no’ men?

(1893 – 1980) actress, playwright, screenwriter & sex symbol
People Self

The graveyards are full of indispensable men.

(1890 – 1970) French president, general & statesman
Death People

I don't like country music, but I don't mean to denigrate those who do; and for the people who like country music, denigrate means 'put down.’

(1929 – ) American comedian & comic actor
Entertainment Music People

People say it’s easy to make fun of retarded people, but it’s not… you really have to explain it to them.

(1978 – ) American writer & stand-up comedian
Intelligence People

People who have what they want are fond of telling people who haven't what they want that they really don't want it.

(1902 – 1971) American humorist & poet
People Things

We have met the enemy and it is us.

(1913 – 1973) American animator & cartoonist (Pogo)
People Signs

Question: What goes ‘clip-clop, clip-clop, clip-clop, BANG BANG’? Answer: An Amish drive-by shooting.

Canadian stand-up comedian, actor & writer
People Situations

I will never give up; I’m in my 14th year of a ten-day beauty plan.

(1917 – 2012) comedian & actress
Appearance Self

Some women hold up dresses that are so ugly and they always say the same thing: ‘This looks much better on.’… On what?… On fire?

(1954 – ) American actress & comedian
Activities Clothing Shopping Situations Women

Elvis may have been the king of rock 'n' roll, but I am the queen.

Richard Penniman (1932 – ) American singer & pianist
Entertainment Music People Self

A woman's dress should be like a barbed-wire fence: serving its purpose without obstructing the view.

(1934 – ) Italian actress
Appearance Clothing People Women

They say men can never experience the pain of childbirth; but they can, if you hit them in the goolies with a cricket bat for 14 hours.

(1957 – ) British stand-up comedian
Men People Women

It’s a lot easier being black than gay; at least if you’re black you don’t have to tell.

American comedian & motivational speaker
People

The last thing my kids ever did to earn money was lose their baby teeth.

(1917 – 2012) comedian & actress
Children Family Money People

Timid? … as timid as a buzz saw.

Characteristics People

You might be a redneck if… you've ever heard the phrase "come and move this transmission so I can take a bath!"

(1958 – ) stand-up comedian & television personality
People Rednecks

If beauty is truth, why don’t women go to the library to have their hair done?

(1805 – 1864) English editor, novelist & sporting writer
Appearance People Truth Women

Housework is what a woman does that nobody notices unless she hasn't done it.

(1899 – 1995) humorist
Housework Women Work