Subject: People (Page 82)

I almost had a psychic girlfriend but she left me before we met.

(1955 – ) comedian, actor & writer
Girlfriends People

Sometimes a majority simply means that all the fools are on the same side.

(1925 – ) writer
Fools Intelligence People

Why is it drug addicts and computer afficionados are both called users?

(1950 – ) astronomer, author & computer security consultant
Computers People Things

I don’t like meals for one; it’s not that they make me feel lonely… it’s that they’re not big enough.

(1975 – ) English comedian
Food/Drink Self

If the world should blow itself up, the last audible voice would be that of an expert saying it can’t be done.

(1921 – 2004) English actor & author
People

If my films make one more person miserable, I'll feel I have done my job.

(1935 – ) movie actor, director & comedian
Emotions Entertainment Film People Work

Lady Astor to Winston Churchill: If I were married to you, I’d put poison in your coffee.

Churchill, in reply: If you were my wife, I’d drink it.

(1874 – 1965) British prime minister, politician, statesman & orator
Insults Marriage People

A woman will lie about anything, just to stay in practice.

(1888 – 1959) detective novelist & screenwriter
Characteristics Honesty Lies People Women

A man's only as old as the woman he feels.

(1890 – 1977) comedian, actor & television host
Age Men Old People Sex Women

When I was a kid at my birthday parties my mom would say, “make a death-wish and blow out the candles.”

(1947 – ) comedian & actor
People Self

I don’t think I could be gay… I just don’t have it in me.

Canadian stand-up comedian, actor & writer
People Self

[George W.] Bush doesn’t know the names of countries, he doesn’t know the names of foreign leaders, he can’t even find the Earth on a globe.

(1956 – ) American comedian
Intelligence People

They compare Steve McManaman to Steve Highway and he’s nothing like him, but I can see why – it’s because he’s a bit different.

English football player & manager
Misspokements People Sports

You might be a redneck if… you got Clapper devices controlling the appliances in your house.

(1958 – ) stand-up comedian & television personality
People Rednecks

The only normal people are the ones you don't know very well.

People

In the nineteenth century, life was hard for Europe’s pheasants.

Malaprops People Poverty

I think the Japanese are smart people – stereotypically so.

(1982 – ) American stand-up comedian
Intelligence People

To the French, lying is simply talking.

(1950 – ) writer & humorist
Lies People Places

When you look like I do its hard to get a table for one at Chucky Cheese.

(1969 – ) comedian & actor
Appearance Self

You might be a redneck if… you have to go outside to get something out of the 'fridge.

(1958 – ) stand-up comedian & television personality
People Rednecks

Men will now get up and walk with the baby in the middle of the night, change its diapers, and give it a bottle, but in their heart of hearts they still think they shouldn’t have to.

(1953 – ) comedian, dancer & writer
Children Family Men People