Subject: People (Page 85)

You might be a redneck if… you’re banned from the Memphis Zoo because you disturb the monkeys.

(1958 – ) stand-up comedian & television personality
Animals People Places Rednecks

A woman is the only thing I am afraid of that I know will not hurt me.

(1809 – 1865) 16th U.S. president
Fear People Women

I can never forgive God for having created the French.

(1921 – 2004) English actor & author
People Places

Homosexuality is God’s way of ensuring that the truly gifted aren’t burdened with children.

comedian, composer & lyricist
Characteristics Children Intelligence People

I'm really not a Facebook or Twitter guy; I'm a prime-rib-and-baked-potato guy.

American baseball player & manager
Baseball People Self Sports

Only when one has lost all curiosity about the future has one reached the age to write an autobiography.

(1903 – 1966) English writer
Books Communication People Self

Woman’s influence is powerful, especially when she wants something.

(1818 – 1885) humorist
Characteristics Women

I’ve spent the past two years looking for my ex-girlfriend’s killer… but no one will do it.

(1978 – ) American writer & stand-up comedian
Conflict Girlfriends Killing People

Me carrying a briefcase is like a hotdog wearing earrings.

(1934 – 2010) American baseball manager
Occupations People Self Work

I am… an inflated swimsuit.

(1966 – ) English dance-pop singer, actress & former model
Insults People Self

A man's only as old as the woman he feels.

(1890 – 1977) comedian, actor & television host
Age Men Old People Sex Women

Any man who hates dogs and babies can’t be all bad.

(1908 – 1997) German-born teacher, academic & humorist
Animals Dogs Men People

You might be a redneck if… your sister is the third generation of women in your family to conceive a baby as a result of an alien abduction.

(1958 – ) stand-up comedian & television personality
People Rednecks Relationships

Always be nice to people on the way up; because you'll meet the same people on the way down.

(1876 – 1933) screenwriter
People Situations Work

The great question… which I have not been able to answer… is, ‘What does woman want?’

(1856 – 1939) Austrian neurologist, father of psychoanalysis
People Women

A Frenchwoman, when double-crossed, will kill her rival; the Italian woman would rather kill her deceitful lover; the Englishwoman simply breaks off relations – but they all will console themselves with another man.

(1899 – 1978) French actor
England People Places Relationships

A missionary is a person who teaches cannibals to say grace before they him.

People

I wrote a book about a transsexual with a speech impediment; it's called Man or Myth.

Canadian stand-up comedian, actor & writer
People

Some do; some don’t.

Murphy’s Laws People

The English think incompetence is the same thing as sincerity.

(1908 – 1999) English writer
Characteristics England People Places

A man's got to do what a man's got to do; a woman must do what he can't.

(1951 – ) American stand-up comic & actress
Men People Women