Subject: People (Page 86)

A woman is like a tea bag… you never know how strong she is until she gets in hot water.

(1884 – 1962) diplomat & reformer & first lady
People Women

If you surveyed a hundred typical middle-aged Americans, I bet you'd find that only two of them could tell you their blood types, but every last one of them would know the theme song from the 'Beverly Hillbillies.’

(1947 – ) American columnist & humorist
America Intelligence People Places

Men – because of a tragic flaw – cannot see dirt until there is enough of it to support agriculture.

(1947 – ) American columnist & humorist
Housework Men People

Crying is the refuge of plain women, but the ruin of pretty ones.

(1854 – 1900) Irish dramatist, novelist & poet
Appearance People Women

Women: Can't live with them, can't bury them in the back yard without the neighbors seeing.

People Situations Women

The Welsh are just Italians in the rain.

(1929 – ) British television & radio critic
People Places

You might be a redneck if… your state's got a new law that says when a couple get divorced, they are still legally brother and sister.

(1958 – ) stand-up comedian & television personality
Divorce Marriage People Rednecks Relationships

He immatures with age.

(1916 – 1995) British politician & prime minister
People

Being an old maid is like death by drowning, a really delightful sensation after you cease to struggle.

(1885 – 1968) American writer
Marriage People Women

Pretty women make us buy beer… ugly women make us drink beer.

(1946 – ) American actor
Beer Women

An Englishmen thinks seated; a Frenchmen standing; an American pacing, an Irishman, afterwards.

(1858 – 1932) American physicist, physician & humorist
America England Intelligence People Thinking

To find out a girl’s faults, praise her to her girl friends.

(1706 – 1790) American statesman, author, scientist & inventor
Characteristics Friends Old People Women

There are those who don't even like to be rubbed the right way.

Murphy’s Laws People

I didn't know her well, but after watching her in action I didn't want to know her well.

(1905 – 1977) American actress
Communication People

If blind people wear dark glasses, why don’t deaf people wear earmuffs?

(1955 – ) comedian, actor & writer
People Things

At any event, the people whose seats are furthest from the aisle arrive last.

Murphy’s Laws People

Queen: A woman by whom the realm is ruled when there is a king, and through whom it is ruled when there is not.

(1842 – 1914) author & satirist
Definitions Government People

You might be a redneck if… you've ever heard the phrase "come and move this transmission so I can take a bath!"

(1958 – ) stand-up comedian & television personality
People Rednecks

Most of the people who came for dancing lessons had Rumba ambitions and minuet bodies.

(1903 – 2003) English-born American comedian & actor
Appearance Body Dance People

You take 10 Jews at random and put 'em on a basketball court, you get a real estate seminar.

comedian
People

Somebody stole my identity… good luck using it without the medications.

(1966 – ) American stand-up comedian, television writer/producer & radio host
People Self