Subject: People (Page 86)

No married man is genuinely happy if he has to drink worse whisky than he used to drink when he was single.

(1880 – 1956) journalist, essayist, editor & satirist
Alcohol Marriage Men

I’m getting pretty worried; my girlfriend hasn’t gotten her period… and she’s already 14.

(1978 – ) American writer & stand-up comedian
Age Girlfriends People

Kim Kardashian is saddled with a huge arse… but enough about Kanye West.

Canadian stand-up comedian, actor & writer
People Reviews/Criticism

Rich people bring a lawyer; Latinos and blacks bring their moms.

(1976 – ) comedian
Lawyers Money Mothers People

Every time I go near the stove, the dog howls.

(1917 – 2012) comedian & actress
Cooking Food/Drink Self

Sure men were born to lie, and women, to believe them.

(1685 – 1732) English writer
Characteristics Honesty Lies Men People Women

The Englishman who has lost his fortune is said to have died of a broken heart.

(1803 – 1882) essayist, poet, & philosopher
Emotions England Money People Places Wealth

My girlfriend was just killed in a car accident… devastating; I can’t believe I’m only going to have sex with her one more time.

(1978 – ) American writer & stand-up comedian
Girlfriends People

Sometimes a majority simply means that all the fools are on the same side.

(1925 – ) writer
Fools Intelligence People

China has a population of a billion people; that means even if you’re a one-in-a-million kind of guy, there are still a thousand others exactly like you

(1952 – ) American writer & comedian
Characteristics People Places

I'm glad I'm not bisexual… I couldn't stand being rejected by men as well as women.

(1930 – 2007) English comedian & nightclub owner
People Relationships

You might be a redneck if… you removed the back seat from your car so all yer kids could fit in.

(1958 – ) stand-up comedian & television personality
Autos Children People Rednecks Things

Once when I was lost, I saw a policeman and asked him to help me find my parents.  I said to him, “Do you think we’ll ever find them?”  He said, “I don’t know kid; there’s so many places they can hide.”

(1921 – 2004) stand-up comedian & actor
Family Fathers Self

Animals may be our friends; but they won’t pick you up at the airport.

(1962 – ) comedian, actor, voice actor, screenwriter, & film & television director
Animals Friends People

You might be a redneck if… your parents met at a family reunion.

(1958 – ) stand-up comedian & television personality
Family Parents People Rednecks

Not with anybody else.

(1942 – ) American boxing champion
Emotions Love People Self

When the missionaries came to Africa they had the Bible and we had the land; they said, ‘Let us pray.’ We closed our eyes and when we opened them, we had the Bible and they had the land.

(1931 – ) South African social rights activist & Anglican bishop
People Places

Crying is the refuge of plain women, but the ruin of pretty ones.

(1854 – 1900) Irish dramatist, novelist & poet
Appearance People Women

How To Go To Work When Your Husband Is Against It, Your Children Aren’t Old Enough, And There’s Nothing You Can Do Anyhow

Book Titles People

Love is what happens to a man and woman who don't know each other.

(1874 – 1965) English dramatist & novelist
Emotions Love Men People Women

Humans are the only animals that have children on purpose with the exception of guppies, who like to eat theirs.

(1947 – ) author, humorist & satirist
Animals Children Eating People