Subject: People (Page 87)

A bore is a person not interested in you.

author
Characteristics People

A celebrity is one who is known to many persons he is glad he doesn't know.

(1880 – 1956) journalist, essayist, editor & satirist
People Success

Women like jewelry; they’re like raccoons: show them some shiny stuff and they’ll follow you home.

(1962 – ) American comedian & actor
People Things Women

It’s easier to find a traveling companion than to get rid of one.

(1925 – 2007) humorist & columnist
Activities People Travel

I only like two kinds of men; domestic and foreign.

(1893 – 1980) actress, playwright, screenwriter & sex symbol
Emotions Men People Places

Just give me a comfortable couch, a dog, a good book, and a woman. Then if you can get the dog to go somewhere and read the book, I might have a little fun!

(1890 – 1977) comedian, actor & television host
People Relationships Women

A committee is the only life form with 12 stomachs and no brain.

Murphy’s Laws People

I’m not very domestic… for years my children though mold was a frosting.

(1951 – ) American author, playwright & lyricist
Cooking Food/Drink People Self

When I was kidnapped my parents snapped into action… they rented out my room.

(1935 – ) movie actor, director & comedian
Family Parents Self Situations

Too slow to keep worms in a tin.

Intelligence People Stupidity

You can tell he used to be a rancher; he squeezes Republicans like he's milking a cow.

(1903 – 2003) English-born American comedian & actor
People

Dates are basically where I go out and I act like someone I'm not until the person likes me enough to be who I actually am.

writer & comedian
Characteristics Dating People Relationships Self

Old people love to give good advice; it compensates them for their inability to set a bad example.

(1613 – 1680) French writer
Age Intelligence Old People

If you want to offend terrorists, if you’re a woman, wear a dress, and if you're a man, wear a dress.

British-Asian comedian
People

There are two types of people I hate… racists and Norwegians.

Canadian stand-up comedian, actor & writer
People

I'd never buy my girl a watch… she's already got a clock over the stove.

(1963 – ) American professional basketball player & sports personality
Basketball People Relationships Sports Women

Scientists now believe that the primary biological function of breasts is to make males stupid.

(1947 – ) American columnist & humorist
Appearance Body Intelligence Men People Stupidity

One night I was playing poker with tarot cards; I got a full house and four people died.

(1955 – ) comedian, actor & writer
Activities Games People

Friend: Someone who thinks you’re a good egg even though you’re slightly cracked.

Definitions Friends People

If you find an Australian indoors, it’s a fair bet that he will have a glass in his hand.

(1942 – ) British politician
Food/Drink People Places

The girl with a future avoids a man with a past.

(1899 – 1995) humorist
Future Men Past People Time Women