Subject: People (Page 89)

You might be a redneck if… you keep a fly swatter in the front seat of the car so you can reach your kids in the back seat of the car.

(1958 – ) stand-up comedian & television personality
Autos Children People

Say what you want about the deaf…

(1972 – ) Anglo-Irish comedian, writer & actor
Communication People Speech

I can't take a well-tanned person seriously.

(1917 – 1998) author, critic, animal rights activist
Appearance People

I don't know what people have against Jimmy Carter… he's done nothing.

(1903 – 2003) English-born American comedian & actor
People

Siamese Twins: First person plural.

Definitions People

Germans are flummoxed by humor, the Swiss have no concept of fun, the Spanish think there is nothing at all ridiculous about eating dinner at midnight, and the Italians should never, ever have been let in on the invention of the motor car.

American author
Insults People Places

Early to rise and early to bed makes a male healthy and wealthy and dead.

(1894 – 1961) author, cartoonist & humorist
Death Life Men People Time

Hello!… we heard you at the door, but just thought you were part of the bad weather.

(1886 – 1969) American journalist & humorist
Communication People

When a man goes on a date, he wonders if he is going to get lucky… a woman already knows.

Dating Men People Sex Women

A Canadian is sort of like an American, but without the gun.

America Arms Conflict People Places

A pessimist sees only the dark side of the clouds, and mopes; a philosopher sees both sides, and shrugs; an optimist doesn't see the clouds at all – he's walking on them.

(1904 – 1974) American author & radio producer
Beliefs Characteristics People

I couldn’t tell if the streaker was a man or a woman because it had a bag on its head.

(1925 – 2015) baseball player, coach & manager
People Yogi-isms

Leave it to a girl to take the fun out of sex discrimination.

(1955 – ) cartoonist (Calvin and Hobbes)
Beliefs Girls Situations

I really detest movies like Indecent Proposal and Pretty Woman because they send a message to women that sleeping with a rich man is the ultimate goal; and really that’s such a small part of it.

(1969 – ) American actress, comedian, producer & writer
Entertainment Film Sex Women

Some folks seem to have descended from the chimpanzee later than others.

(1868 – 1930) cartoonist, humorist & journalist
People Relationships

In order to avoid being called a flirt, she always yielded easily.

(1754 – 1838) French prime minister & diplomat
People Sex

If there's anything a public servant hates to do it's something for the public.

(1868 – 1930) cartoonist, humorist & journalist
Government People Work

Why get married and make one man miserable when I can stay single and make thousands miserable?

(1953 – ) American comedian, writer & actor
Marriage People

If there is reincarnation and I come back as myself, I’ll kill myself.

(1947 – ) comedian & actor
Self

Be careful of men who are bald and rich; the arrogance of "rich" usually cancels out the nice of "bald.”

(1953 – ) comedian, dancer & writer
Appearance Characteristics Men People Wealth

Few things in life are more embarrassing than the necessity of having to inform an old friend that you have just got engaged to his fiancee.

(1880 – 1946) comedian, actor, juggler & writer
Characteristics People Relationships