Subject: People (Page 94)

You might be a redneck if… you got into a fistfight at your last yard sale.

(1958 – ) stand-up comedian & television personality
Conflict Fights People Rednecks

True friends stab you in the front.

(1854 – 1900) Irish dramatist, novelist & poet
Conflict Friends Old People

Women’s styles may change, but their designs remain the same.

(1854 – 1900) Irish dramatist, novelist & poet
Appearance Clothing People Women

If it was raining soup, the Irish would go out with forks.

(1923 – 1964) Irish poet, short story writer, novelist & playwright
People Places

Only one man in a thousand is a leader of men – the other 999 follow women.

(1890 – 1977) comedian, actor & television host
Characteristics Men Women

If I were Achilles I would put my foot in a f**king block of concrete!

(1962 – ) English stand-up comedian & actor
People

All God’s children are not beautiful; most of God’s children are, in fact, barely presentable.

(1950 – ) writer & humorist
Appearance People

I can do some things now that I couldn't do when I was 17, like date high school girls.

(1955 – ) American stand-up comedian
Age Dating Girls People Relationships Young

You might be a redneck if… you can get dog hair from out of your belly button.

(1958 – ) stand-up comedian & television personality
Animals Dogs People Rednecks

I spent twelve years training for a career that was over in a week; Joe Namath spent one week training for a career that lasted twelve years.

(1949 – ) American Olympic athlete
Activities People Situations Sports

Usually I’m on top to keep the guy from escaping.

Lisa Lampanelli (1961 – ) American stand-up comedian
Self Sex

Employees who think they know everything are very irritating to those of us who do.

(1936 – 2005) Irish comedian
People

Baseball is dull only to those with dull minds.

(1905–1982) American sportswriter
Baseball Intelligence People Sports

It wasn't that no one asked me to the prom, it was that no one would tell me where it was.

(1953 – ) comedian, dancer & writer
Entertainment People Self

An enemy can partly ruin a man, but it takes a good-natured injudicious friend to complete the thing and make it perfect.

Samuel Clemens (1835 – 1910) author & humorist
Friends People Relationships

A woman will lie about anything, just to stay in practice.

(1888 – 1959) detective novelist & screenwriter
Characteristics Honesty Lies People Women

Women are afraid of mice and of murder, and of very little in between.

(1913 – 1983) journalist & author
People Women

Leave it to a girl to take all the fun out of sex discrimination.

(1955 – ) cartoonist (Calvin and Hobbes)
Girls People

Rosten’s First Law: First-rate people hire first-rate people; second-rate people hire third-rate people.

(1908 – 1997) German-born teacher, academic & humorist
Murphy’s Laws People Work

A wise woman puts a grain of sugar into everything she says to a man, and takes a grain of salt with everything he says to her.

(1876 – 1950) journalist & humorist
Men People Women

Were kisses all the joys in bed, one woman would another wed.

(1564 – 1616) English dramatist & poet
People Sex Women