Subject: People (Page 96)

Women have got to make the world safe for men since men have made it so darned unsafe for women.

(1879 – 1964) British politician
Men Places Women World

A gentleman never swears at his wife when ladies are present.

Characteristics Men People

Everyone seems normal until you get to know them.

People

My ex-girlfriend had weekly lessons with the devil on how to become more evil… I don’t know how much she charges him though.

(1956 – ) American comedian
Girlfriends People

I refuse to join any club that would have me as a member.

(1890 – 1977) comedian, actor & television host
People Self

I wish people were like Internet videos and you could tap them lightly to see a clock of how much longer they’re going to be talking.

Communication People Speech

Hard work spotlights the character of people: some turn up their sleeves, some turn up their noses, and some don't turn up at all.

(1920 – 2001) American writer & humorist
Characteristics People Work

One of the strangest things about life is that the poor, who need money the most, are the very ones who never have it.

(1867 – 1936) author & humorist
Life Money People

Middle age is when you've met so many people that every new person you meet reminds you of someone else… and usually is.

(1902 – 1971) American humorist & poet
Age People

When you have women in that situation [the military] it just creates a whole new set of dynamics which are distracting to training these men to kill or be killed.

(1969 – ) U.S. Representative (Delaware)
Government Military Misspokements People Women

Cannibals are not vegetarians, they are humanitarians.

Food/Drink People

A man can sleep around, no questions asked, but if a woman makes nineteen or twenty mistakes she's a tramp.

(1935 – 2014) American comedian, television personality, writer & director
Men Mistakes People Sex Women

Lady Astor to Winston Churchill: If I were married to you, I’d put poison in your coffee.

Churchill, in reply: If you were my wife, I’d drink it.

(1874 – 1965) British prime minister, politician, statesman & orator
Insults Marriage People

Y-chromosome: A line of genes designed for men only; the cause of virility, war, baldness, hockey, sex crimes, clever inventions and a disinclination to ask for directions when lost.

(1950 – ) American author, satirist, webmaster & copywriter
Definitions Men

You might be a redneck if… you have used a bar stool as a walker.

(1958 – ) stand-up comedian & television personality
Health People

A woman's preaching is like a dog's walking on his hinter legs; it is not done well; but you are surprised to see it done at all.

(1740 – 1795) Scottish lawyer, diarist & author
Communication People Speech Women

It's easy to identify people who can't count to ten; they're in front of you in the supermarket express lane.

(1930 – 1977) German teacher
Intelligence People

I believe people ought to mate for life… like pigeons or Catholics.

(1935 – ) movie actor, director & comedian
Marriage People

Imagine if the headless horseman had a headless horse… that would be chaos.

(1968 – 2005) American stand-up comedian
People

The simple truth is that balding African-American men look cool when they shave their heads, whereas balding white men look like giant thumbs.

(1947 – ) American columnist & humorist
Appearance People

Never offend people with style when you can offend them with substance.

Characteristics Murphy’s Laws People