Subject: People (Page 96)

A man with both feet planted firmly in the air.

(1882 – 1945) 32nd U.S. president
Definitions People Politics

My mother loved children – she would have given anything if I had been one.

(1890 – 1977) comedian, actor & television host
Children Family People Self

The church has historically been very slow to embrace technology; until very recently, their idea of a laptop was an altar boy.

(1956 – ) comedian, television host, social critic & political commentator
Beliefs People Religion Science/Weather

Few things in life are more embarrassing than the necessity of having to inform an old friend that you have just got engaged to his fiancee.

(1880 – 1946) comedian, actor, juggler & writer
Characteristics People Relationships

Sewing Circle: A group of women who needle each other.

Definitions Friends Wordplay

Puritanism: The haunting fear that someone, somewhere, may be happy.

(1880 – 1956) journalist, essayist, editor & satirist
Communication Happiness Language People

You might be a redneck if… you wear someone else's work shirt.

(1958 – ) stand-up comedian & television personality
Appearance Clothing People Rednecks

Any time you got the Pope and the Dixie Chicks against you, your time is up.

(1954 – ) filmmaker, author, social critic & activist
People

You might be a redneck if… you have the electronic singing fish in more than three rooms in your house.

(1958 – ) stand-up comedian & television personality
People Rednecks Things

My ancestors didn't come over on the Mayflower, but they were there to meet the boat.

(1879 – 1935) humorist & social commentator
History People Things Time

I wish people were like Internet videos and you could tap them lightly to see a clock of how much longer they’re going to be talking.

Communication People Speech

I tolerate lactose like I tolerate people.

(1947 – ) American comedian, writer, actor & television producer
People

“Ocean’s Eleven” would never work with women because two would keep breaking off to talk shit about the other nine.

(1982 – ) American comedian, actor, writer & producer
People Women

I used to go out with a homeless girl… it was great 'cause after sex, I could just drop her off anywhere.

(1957 – ) American comedian
People Sex

If your son's name is Dale Jr. and your name's not Dale… you might be a redneck.

(1958 – ) stand-up comedian & television personality
People Rednecks

I was the class podiatrist… I never made it to class clown.

(1955 – ) American stand-up comedian & actor
People Self

A woman can look both moral and exciting… if she also looks as if it was quite a struggle.

(1885 – 1968) American writer
People Women

An Englishman, even if he is alone, forms an orderly queue of one.

(1912 – 1987) Hungarian-born British author
Characteristics England People Places

Professionals built the Titanic; amateurs built the ark.

People Work

Some drink at the fountain of knowledge; others just gargle.

Alcohol Intelligence People

You speak it the same way you speak English, you just use different words.

(1895 – 1964) comedian (wife & partner of George Burns)
Communication Language People Speech