Subject: People (Page 98)

He has no enemies, but is intensely disliked by his friends.

(1854 – 1900) Irish dramatist, novelist & poet
Friends Insults People

People say it’s easy to make fun of retarded people, but it’s not… you really have to explain it to them.

(1978 – ) American writer & stand-up comedian
Intelligence People

Philanderer: A man who considers himself too good to be true.

Definitions People Self

If you're ridin' ahead of the herd, take a look back every now and then to make sure it's still there.

Samuel Clemens (1835 – 1910) author & humorist
People

I have a girlfriend… I’ve been going out with my girlfriend for …….. sex!

Canadian stand-up comedian, actor & writer
Girlfriends Relationships Sex

Passport: A document treacherously inflicted upon a citizen going abroad, exposing him as an alien and pointing him out for special reprobation and outrage.

(1842 – 1914) author & satirist
Activities Definitions Individuals Things Travel

If this is airing in the future and no one knows who Karl Rove is — he’s the reason you all live underground.

(1974 – ) Russian-born American comedian, writer & filmmaker
Death Future People Time

Whatever women do they must do twice as well as men to be thought half as good… luckily, this is not difficult.

(1896 – 1975) Canadian mayor (Ottawa) & feminist
Men People Women

I don't like to be out of my comfort zone, which is about a half an inch wide.

(1947 – ) American comedian, writer, actor & television producer
Emotions People Self

Creativity varies inversely with the number of cooks involved with the broth.

Murphy’s Laws People

We have the power to bore people long after we are dead.

(1885 – 1951) American novelist, short-story writer & playwright
Communication People Reading/Writing Self

Friendship is like peeing on yourself: everyone can see it, but only you get the warm feeling that it brings.

(1917 – 1994) American writer
People Relationships

If all the world is a stage, where is the audience sitting?

(1937 – 2008) stand-up comedian, social critic, actor & author
Entertainment People Places

These days, the problem with many neighborhoods is that there're more hoods than neighbors!

fictional mascot and cover boy of Mad, an American humor magazine
Conflict Crime People

People become progressively less competent for jobs they once were well equipped to handle.

Murphy’s Laws People Work

1. Incompetence knows no barriers of time or place.
2. Work is accomplished by those employees who have not yet reached their level of incompetence.
3. If at first you don't succeed, try something else.

Murphy’s Laws People Work

I always like to know everything about my new friends, and nothing about my old ones.

(1854 – 1900) Irish dramatist, novelist & poet
Friends Intelligence Old People

The English think incompetence is the same thing as sincerity.

(1908 – 1999) English writer
Characteristics England People Places

I change girlfriends every seven years, a habit I picked up from broken mirrors.

(1880 – 1946) comedian, actor, juggler & writer
Dating Girlfriends People Relationships

If God had wanted women to have giant… fake boobs he’d be a lot like my brother.

(1964 – ) American comedian
Appearance Body Women

People who live in glass houses might as well answer the door.

David Gerrold (1944 – ) science fiction author
Life People Things