Subject: People » Self (Page 11)

I have a lot of stories about being a kid because it was the last time I was interesting.

(1982 – ) American comedian, actor, writer & producer
People Self

Dates are basically where I go out and I act like someone I'm not until the person likes me enough to be who I actually am.

writer & comedian
Characteristics Dating People Relationships Self

Me carrying a briefcase is like a hotdog wearing earrings.

(1934 – 2010) American baseball manager
Occupations People Self Work

If you try hard enough you can always manage to boot yourself in the posterior.

Murphy’s Laws Self

They used to shoot her through gauze; you should shoot me through linoleum.

(1903 – 1968) movie actress
Appearance People Self

We have the power to bore people long after we are dead.

(1885 – 1951) American novelist, short-story writer & playwright
Communication People Reading/Writing Self

It's all right letting yourself go as long as you can let yourself back.

(1943 – ) English rock singer
Activities Appearance Body Fat Self

My first words were ‘Seconds, please.’

(1953 – ) American comedian & television host
Communication Eating Food/Drink Self Speech

I have performed for 12 presidents and entertained only six.

(1903 – 2003) English-born American comedian & actor
Entertainment Self

[My husband] can't stand to see trash & garbage lying around the house… he can't stand the competition.

(1917 – 2012) comedian & actress
Appearance People Self

My New Year’s resolution is to get in shape… I choose round.

(1975 – ) English comedian
Appearance Body Self

The voices in my head may not be real, but they have some good ideas!

Intelligence Mind People Self

Dad, the odds of me knowing the score to the Mariners game is about the same as you knowing the score to Pacific Overtures.

(1955 – ) American actor, comedian, producer, director & singer
Self TV/Movie Quotes

I can't sing, but I know how to, which is quite different.

(1899 – 1973) English playwright, actor, composer, director & songwriter
Entertainment Self

I go to New York and I saw a big sign saying “America Loves Smirnoff” and I said to myself, what a country!

(1951 – ) Soviet-American comedian
America New York City Places Self

The difference between sex and death is that with death you can do it alone and no one is going to make fun of you.

(1935 – ) movie actor, director & comedian
Death People Self Sex

I’m a typical Capricorn; I’m hardworking, loyal, sometimes stubborn and I don’t believe in astrology.

(1974 – ) American Internet entrepreneur
People Self

I diagnosed my loneliness as premature empty nest syndrome.

(1978 – ) American actress, writer & comedian
Emotions Self

I just don't want to die the same day Castro dies.

(1925 – 2007) humorist & columnist
Death Self

In 1962 I was named Minor League Player of the Year… it was my second season in the bigs.

(1935 – ) American baseball player, sportscaster, comedian & actor
Baseball Self Sports

You sit there and you talk about yourself for an hour straight, and the other person listens to everything you say; it's like I'm the guy on a date.

(1964 – ) Canadian stand-up comedian, actress & television host
People Self