Subject: People » Self (Page 13)

I was not a particularly small child; I was the one who always got picked to play Bethlehem in the school play.

(1957 – ) British stand-up comedian
Age Appearance Fat Self

My face looks like a wedding cake left out in the rain.


(1907 – 1973) poet & critic
Appearance Body People Self

The voices in my head may not be real, but they have some good ideas!

Intelligence Mind People Self

I knew when my career was over; in 1965 my baseball card came out with no picture.

(1935 – ) American baseball player, sportscaster, comedian & actor
Baseball Self Sports

If you try hard enough you can always manage to boot yourself in the posterior.

Murphy’s Laws Self

The difference between sex and death is that with death you can do it alone and no one is going to make fun of you.

(1935 – ) movie actor, director & comedian
Death People Self Sex

I never go out unless I look like Joan Crawford the movie star; if you want to see the girl next door, go next door.

(1905 – 1977) American actress
Appearance People Self

Barbara and I celebrated our 51st wedding anniversary yesterday… we are very happy, but I would be happier if she got a job!

(1926 – 2017) American stand-up comedian & actor
Insults Marriage Self

When a person can no longer laugh at himself, it is time for others to laugh at him.

(1920 – ) Hungarian writer
Emotions Laughter People Self

My parents never understood me; they were Japanese.

(1919 – 1985) Scottish comedian & actor
Family Parents Self Understanding

I don't get no respect, are you kiddin’? The time I got hurt… on the way to the hospital, the ambulance stopped for gas.

(1921 – 2004) stand-up comedian & actor
People Self

It's not what you are but what you don't become that hurts.

(1906 – 1972) pianist, composer, author, comedian & actor
People Self

I've always tried to be a good American citizen, so I have made it a point not to learn any other language but English.

stand-up comedian
America Communication Language People Self

How do people make new mates?… asking for a friend.

Comedian & writer
Friends People Self

When I was a kid my family said having feelings was an act of treason.

(1947 – ) comedian & actor
Family Self

The only parts left of my original body are my elbows.

(1917 – 2012) comedian & actress
Appearance Body People Self

Most of the time I don’t have much fun; the rest of the time I don’t have any fun at all.

(1935 – ) movie actor, director & comedian
Characteristics Emotions Self

Til I was nine, my mother was still trying to get an abortion.

(1935 – 2014) American comedian, television personality, writer & director
People Self

I have performed for 12 presidents and entertained only six.

(1903 – 2003) English-born American comedian & actor
Entertainment Self

Facetime fulfills a secret human desire: to mostly look at yourself while talking to other people.

(1982 – ) American comedian & actress
Computers People Self Things

One year they asked me to be poster boy – for birth control.

(1921 – 2004) stand-up comedian & actor
Appearance People Self Situations