Subject: People » Self (Page 16)

I don’t like meals for one; it’s not that they make me feel lonely… it’s that they’re not big enough.

(1975 – ) English comedian
Food/Drink Self

An alcoholic is someone you don't like who drinks as much as you do.

(1914 – 1953) Welsh-born poet & writer
Alcohol Food/Drink Health People Self

I am being frank about myself in this book; I tell of my first mistake on page 850.

(1923 – ) German-born diplomat & scholar
Books Communication People Self

I would rather be an opportunist and float than go to the bottom with my principles round my neck.

(1867 – 1947) British politician
Characteristics Self

I went to the doctor and said, “Doc, every morning when I wake up and look in the mirror, I throw up. What’s wrong?” The doctor said, “I don’t know, but your eyesight is perfect.”

(1921 – 2004) stand-up comedian & actor
Appearance Self Ugly

I knew when my career was over; in 1965 my baseball card came out with no picture.

(1935 – ) American baseball player, sportscaster, comedian & actor
Baseball Self Sports

Sorry, Peg, I didn’t hear you; I was thinking of killing myself.

(1946 – ) American actor
Self TV/Movie Quotes

I’m a typical Capricorn; I’m hardworking, loyal, sometimes stubborn and I don’t believe in astrology.

(1974 – ) American Internet entrepreneur
People Self

I have given up reading books; I find it takes my mind off myself.

(1906 – 1972) pianist, composer, author, comedian & actor
Books Communication People Reading/Writing Self

I have an existential map; it has ‘you are here’ written all over it.

(1955 – ) comedian, actor & writer
Beliefs Self

If my books had been any worse, I should not have been invited to Hollywood, and if they had been any better, I should not have come.

(1888 – 1959) detective novelist & screenwriter
Books Communication Self

I am a man of fixed and unbending principles, the first of which is to be flexible at all times.

(1896 – 1969) American congressman & senator (Illinois)
Characteristics People Self

When I was a kid my family said having feelings was an act of treason.

(1947 – ) comedian & actor
Family Self

I spend three minutes every day choosing a TV channel to leave on for my dog; then I go to work, and people take me seriously as an adult.

American comedian
Animals Dogs Self

I’m a controversial figure: my friends either dislike me or hate me.

(1906 – 1972) pianist, composer, author, comedian & actor
Friends Old People Self

For two hours, some guy followed me around with a pooper scooper.

(1921 – 2004) stand-up comedian & actor
Appearance Body People Self

My classmates would copulate with anything that moved, but I never saw any reason to limit myself.

(1956 – ) American comedian
People Self Sex

One of the symptoms of an approaching nervous breakdown is the belief that one's work is terribly important.

(1872 – 1970) British philosopher, mathematician, historian & social critic
Health People Self Work

My boyfriend and I are both in our late 20s; he’s 29, I’m 34.

(1980 – ) Australian comedian
Age People Self

Have you ever had one of those moments when you look up and realize that you’re one of those people you see on the train talking to themselves?

(1963 – ) American stand-up comedian
People Self

Every time I get in an elevator, the operator says the same thing to me: “Basement?”

(1921 – 2004) stand-up comedian & actor
People Self Situations