Subject: People » Self (Page 16)

What a dog I got, he found out we look alike, so he killed himself.

(1921 – 2004) stand-up comedian & actor
Animals Dogs People Self

My beard is the only beard in the history of Western civilization that makes Bob Dylan's look good.

American basketball player
Basketball People Self Sports

At my funeral, I want Meryl Streep crying in five different accents.

(1935 – 2014) American comedian, television personality, writer & director
Death Self

They finally found one.

British ski jumper
People Self

Bore: One who insists upon talking about himself when you want to talk about yourself.

Definitions Self

When I was born my father spent three weeks trying to find a loophole in my birth certificate.

(1924 – 1987) American stand-up ‘deadpan’ comedian and actor
Family Fathers People Self

All I can say is, if they show my butt in a movie, it better be a wide shot.

(1969 – ) American actress, dancer, singer & entrepreneur
Appearance Body People Self

People like to hear me say 'shit' in my gorgeous voice.

(1904 – 2000) English actor, director & producer
Acting Entertainment People Self

I had a woman come up to me at the airport and say, “I don’t mean to insult you, but you look like Bobcat Goldthwait.”

(1962 – ) comedian, actor, voice actor, screenwriter, & film & television director
Appearance People Self

I have a lot of stories about being a kid because it was the last time I was interesting.

(1982 – ) American comedian, actor, writer & producer
People Self

When I die, I’m leaving my body to science fiction.

(1955 – ) comedian, actor & writer
Appearance Body Death People Self

I have had more trouble with myself than with any other man I have ever met.

(1837 – 1899) American evangelist & publisher
Men People Self

Modesty: Being comfortable that others will soon discover your greatness.

Definitions Self

If you try hard enough you can always manage to boot yourself in the posterior.

Murphy’s Laws Self

One way to handle social anxiety is to pretend you are a ghost and people are staring at you because they have a gift they never asked for.

(1982 – ) American comedian & actress
Miscellaneous People Self

I didn’t get a lot of awards as a player… but they did have a Bob Uecker Day Off for me once in Philly.

(1935 – ) American baseball player, sportscaster, comedian & actor
Baseball Self Sports

I am a man of my word… and that word is “unreliable.”

(1973 – ) American comedian
Communication Language Self

I hate to see a young man get ahead on the basis of a famous family name.

(1932 – 2009) U.S. senator (Massachusetts)
People Self Success

Even when I was a kid, my imaginary friend would play with the kid across the street.

(1975 – ) American stand-up comedian & television host
Age Friends People Self

I’m not the type who wants to go back to the land… I’m the type who wants to go back to the hotel.

(1950 – ) writer & humorist
People Self Situations

I'm good enough, I'm smart enough, and doggone it, people like me.

(1951 – ) U.S. senator (Minnesota), political commentator, comedian & writer
Characteristics People Self