Subject: People » Self (Page 17)

It was a hard name to have growing up as a child; kids would call me names like “Birbiglebug” and “Birbibliography” and “Faggot.”

(1978 – ) American comedian & writer

One time my whole family played hide and seek; they found my mother in Pittsburgh!

(1921 – 2004) stand-up comedian & actor

I'm such a good lover because I practice a lot on my own.

(1935 – ) movie actor, director & comedian

Everyone tries to get you to dance at clubs; and then I dance, and they’re like ‘not like that!’

(1978 – ) American comedian & writer

I never thought you could win a Pulitzer just for quoting Tommy Lasorda correctly.

(1919 – 1998) American sportswriter

Welcome to the Academy Awards or, as it's called at my home, 'Passover.'

(1903 – 2003) English-born American comedian & actor

Be good and you will be lonely.

Samuel Clemens (1835 – 1910) author & humorist

My mother had morning sickness after I was born.

(1921 – 2004) stand-up comedian & actor

I'm not indecisive; am I indecisive?

(1947 – ) American politician & mayor

What a dog I got, he found out we look alike, so he killed himself.

(1921 – 2004) stand-up comedian & actor

I’m not a lesbian… but I play one in the home movies my husband forces me to make.

(1996 – ) American comedian

I knew when my career was over; in 1965 my baseball card came out with no picture.

(1935 – ) American baseball player, sportscaster, comedian & actor

What would bug a guy from the Taliban more than seeing a gay woman in a suit surrounded by Jews?

(1958 – ) comedian, actress & television host

I always thought I'd go to the Oscars, but only as a stalker.

(1953 – ) comedian, dancer & writer

I don't like to be out of my comfort zone, which is about a half an inch wide.

(1947 – ) American comedian, writer, actor & television producer

If you view your problem closely enough, you will recognize yourself as part of the problem.

When I was born I owed twelve dollars.

(1889 – 1961) Am. playwright, theater director & producer & humorist

I feel like Barbie… years later after she’s seen some things.

(1969 – ) American stand-up comedian & actress

I had slumps that lasted into the winter.

(1935 – ) American baseball player, sportscaster, comedian & actor

Sophia Loren plays peasants; I play ladies.

(1927 – ) Italian actress & photojournalist

We have the power to bore people long after we are dead.

(1885 – 1951) American novelist, short-story writer & playwright