Subject: People » Self (Page 19)

[I’m someone] who spends his time at parties in the room with the coats and whose idea of a good time is to go down to the bus terminal and pretend I’m going somewhere.

(1924 – 1987) American stand-up ‘deadpan’ comedian and actor
Characteristics People Self

An alcoholic is someone you don't like who drinks as much as you do.

(1914 – 1953) Welsh-born poet & writer
Alcohol Food/Drink Health People Self

People like to hear me say 'shit' in my gorgeous voice.

(1904 – 2000) English actor, director & producer
Acting Entertainment People Self

Sometimes I'm so bored at a party, I'll slip myself a roofie.

comedian & author
Drugs Self Situations

Why is it that nobody understands me and everybody likes me?

(1879 – 1955) German-born physicist
Characteristics People Self Understanding

It's not hard to tell we was poor—when you saw the toilet paper dryin' on the clothesline.

(1928 – 2012) American comedian & actor
Money People Poverty Self

I'm bald, blind and pale… I'm like a gigantic recessive gene.

(1966 – ) American stand-up comedian & actor
People Self

All I want is a warm bed, a kind word and unlimited power.

(1933 – ) English author & cartoonist
People Self Situations

At all those banquets, stars get up and give credit to their coaches and parents; I give credit to no one; I made myself what I am today.

(1935 – ) American baseball player, sportscaster, comedian & actor
Baseball Self Sports Success

Egotist: A person of low taste, more interested in himself than in me.

(1842 – 1914) author & satirist
Communication Definitions Language Self

I have low self-esteem; when were in bed together, I would fantasize that I was someone else.

(1947 – ) comedian & actor
Characteristics People Self Sex

Usually I’m on top to keep the guy from escaping.

Lisa Lampanelli (1961 – ) American stand-up comedian
Self Sex

I’m not a lesbian… but I play one in the home movies my husband forces me to make.

(1996 – ) American comedian
People Self

When a man is wrapped up in himself, he makes a pretty small package.

(1819 – 1900) English art critic, social thinker, poet & artist
People Self

I’m not the type who wants to go back to the land… I’m the type who wants to go back to the hotel.

(1950 – ) writer & humorist
People Self Situations

I have performed for 12 presidents and entertained only six.

(1903 – 2003) English-born American comedian & actor
Entertainment Self

At my funeral, I want Meryl Streep crying in five different accents.

(1935 – 2014) American comedian, television personality, writer & director
Death Self

Our ego is our silent partner – too often with a controlling interest.

(1923 – ) American quote & quip writer
Characteristics People Self

One way to handle social anxiety is to pretend you are a ghost and people are staring at you because they have a gift they never asked for.

(1982 – ) American comedian & actress
Miscellaneous People Self

You may already be a loser!

(1921 – 2004) stand-up comedian & actor
Characteristics People Self

Somebody stole my identity… good luck using it without the medications.

(1966 – ) American stand-up comedian, television writer/producer & radio host
People Self