Subject: People » Self (Page 20)

The voices in my head may not be real, but they have some good ideas!

Intelligence Mind People Self

I've never been married, but I tell people I'm divorced so they won't think something's wrong with me.

(1952 – ) comedian
Marriage People Self

Sometimes I wish I wasn't W.C. Fields, but that's only when I can remember who I am.

(1880 – 1946) comedian, actor, juggler & writer
People Self

Sophia Loren plays peasants; I play ladies.

(1927 – ) Italian actress & photojournalist
Acting People Self

For weeks I’ve been telling him not to buy anything for my birthday, and he still forgot to bring me something.

People Self

You have taken yourself too seriously.

Characteristics Murphy’s Laws People Self

I spent seven hours in a beauty shop… and that was for the estimate.

(1917 – 2012) comedian & actress
Appearance Body People Self

I went to Boston College; it’s a Catholic college, yeah I had a nickname there: Jew.

(1970 –) American stand-up comedian
People Self

Roses are red, violets are blue, I’m schizophrenic and so am I.

(1942 – ) Scottish comedian, musician & actor
Health Self

He who disagrees with me in private, call him a fool; he who disagrees with me in public, call him an ambulance.

(1967 – ) English comedian
Conflict People Self

Autobiography: An I-witness account

Books Communication Definitions People Self

We were poor. we were so poor, in my neighborhood the rainbow was in black-and-white.

(1921 – 2004) stand-up comedian & actor
Money Poverty Self

I know [my head] is big because every time I'm in a picture, it always looks like I'm really close to the camera.

Canadian comedian
Appearance Body Self

The first sentence that I was taught to say by my parents as a little boy was: “Of course I know that I’m wrong.”

(1947 – ) comedian & actor
Communication People Self Speech

I can't even find someone for a platonic relationship, much less the kind where someone wants to see me naked.

(1955 – ) American stand-up comedian & actor
Dating People Relationships Self Sex

My books are water; those of the great geniuses are wine… (Fortunately) everybody drinks water.

Samuel Clemens (1835 – 1910) author & humorist
Books Communication Self

Be good and you will be lonely.

Samuel Clemens (1835 – 1910) author & humorist
Characteristics People Self

One of the symptoms of an approaching nervous breakdown is the belief that one's work is terribly important.

(1872 – 1970) British philosopher, mathematician, historian & social critic
Health People Self Work

Everything you see, I owe to spaghetti.

(1934 – ) Italian actress
Appearance Body Food/Drink Self

I’m so gay, I could put a lisp in the word ‘cracker.'

(1967 – ) American stand-up comedian & actor
People Self

Twelve years after high school and I’m still at the nerd table.

(1975 – ) American actor
People Self TV/Movie Quotes