Subject: People » Self (Page 3)

God wisely designed the human body so that we can neither pat our own backs nor kick ourselves too easily.

Beliefs God People Self

Dad, the odds of me knowing the score to the Mariners game is about the same as you knowing the score to Pacific Overtures.

(1955 – ) American actor, comedian, producer, director & singer
Self TV/Movie Quotes

Only when one has lost all curiosity about the future has one reached the age to write an autobiography.

(1903 – 1966) English writer
Books Communication People Self

I told my kids, “Someday, you’ll have kids of your own.” One of them said, “So will you.”

(1921 – 2004) stand-up comedian & actor
Children Family People Self

I was so ugly, my mother breast fed me through a straw.

(1921 – 2004) stand-up comedian & actor
Appearance Hair Self

I’m the guy that made Joe DiMaggio famous.

(1908 – 1989) American baseball player
Baseball People Self Sports

I don’t identify as transgender… I identify as tired; I’m just tired.

(1978 – ) Australian comedian, writer & actress
People Self Sex

I look like a mix between a Jew and a guy who would drive by in a truck and yell "Jew.”

American comedian
Appearance People Self

My father was a simple man; my mother was a simple woman; you see the result standing in front of you, a simpleton.

(1919 – 1985) Scottish comedian & actor
Family Fathers Fools Intelligence Mothers People Self

I diagnosed my loneliness as premature empty nest syndrome.

(1978 – ) American actress, writer & comedian
Emotions Self

When I got through with him, he was all covered wit' blood… my blood.

(1893 – 1980) American singer, pianist, comedian & actor
Conflict Fights Self

My boyfriend and I are both in our late 20s; he’s 29, I’m 34.

(1980 – ) Australian comedian
Age People Self

I knew when my career was over; in 1965 my baseball card came out with no picture.

(1935 – ) American baseball player, sportscaster, comedian & actor
Baseball Self Sports

My beard is the only beard in the history of Western civilization that makes Bob Dylan's look good.

American basketball player
Basketball People Self Sports

I will never give up; I’m in my 14th year of a ten-day beauty plan.

(1917 – 2012) comedian & actress
Appearance Self

Apparently we love our own cell phones but we hate everyone else’s.

(John Bloom) (1953 – ) American film critic, writer & actor
People Self Things

Modesty: Being comfortable that others will soon discover your greatness.

Definitions Self

Sometimes I think [my writing] sounds like I walked out of the room and left the typewriter running.

(1890 – 1960) journalist, author & dramatist
Communication Reading/Writing Self

The other night a mugger took off his mask and made me wear it.

(1921 – 2004) stand-up comedian & actor
Appearance Body People Self

I deserve someone who likes me for who I am pretending to be.

(1974 – ) American stand-up comedian & actor
People Relationships Self

A man is never more truthful than when he acknowledges himself a liar.

Samuel Clemens (1835 – 1910) author & humorist
Beliefs Honesty Lies People Self Truth