Subject: People » Self (Page 5)

Only when one has lost all curiosity about the future has one reached the age to write an autobiography.

(1903 – 1966) English writer
Books Communication People Self

I’m not only Iranian, I’m also Jewish, and I know what you’re thinking… you’re thinking, ‘Wow, he’s Iranian and Jewish; I don’t know if I should hate him or hate him.’

American standup-comedian
Emotions People Self

We have the power to bore people long after we are dead.

(1885 – 1951) American novelist, short-story writer & playwright
Communication People Reading/Writing Self

When you look like I do its hard to get a table for one at Chucky Cheese.

(1969 – ) comedian & actor
Appearance Self

Sophia Loren plays peasants; I play ladies.

(1927 – ) Italian actress & photojournalist
Acting People Self

I've never been married, but I tell people I'm divorced so they won't think something's wrong with me.

(1952 – ) comedian
Marriage People Self

I'm not indecisive; am I indecisive?

(1947 – ) American politician & mayor
Characteristics Self

I went to the doctor and said, “Doc, every morning when I wake up and look in the mirror, I throw up. What’s wrong?” The doctor said, “I don’t know, but your eyesight is perfect.”

(1921 – 2004) stand-up comedian & actor
Appearance Self Ugly

I called Dial-a-Prayer and they hung up on me.

(1924 – 1987) American stand-up ‘deadpan’ comedian and actor
People Self

Every time I breathe, they like, ‘Why you breathing so hard?'…So I can live!


Appearance Fat Self

I'm such a good lover because I practice a lot on my own.

(1935 – ) movie actor, director & comedian
People Self Sex

I always thought I'd go to the Oscars, but only as a stalker.

(1953 – ) comedian, dancer & writer
Entertainment Film People Self

My wife was afraid of the dark… then she saw me naked and now she's afraid of the light.

(1921 – 2004) stand-up comedian & actor
Marriage Self Wives

The other night a mugger took off his mask and made me wear it.

(1921 – 2004) stand-up comedian & actor
Appearance Body People Self

When I played in the sandbox, the cat kept covering me up.

(1921 – 2004) stand-up comedian & actor
Animals Cats People Self

I saw what’s going on under my chin; I don’t want to be the one the president has to pardon on Thanksgiving.

(1935 – 2014) American comedian, television personality, writer & director
Appearance People Self

I look like a mix between a Jew and a guy who would drive by in a truck and yell "Jew.”

American comedian
Appearance People Self

The other day a woman described me as a bit of a looker… well voyeur was the actual word she used, but there’s no need to split hairs is there?

(1973 – ) English writer & stand-up comedian
People Self

I was once paged at JFK airport as “Mr. No One.”

(1947 – ) English singer & songwriter
People Self

If there are any of you at the back who do not hear me, please don't raise your hands because I am also nearsighted.


(1907 – 1973) poet & critic
Communication People Self Speech

I love my name: Paris is my favorite city, and Paris without the ‘P’ is “heiress.”

(1981 – ) heiress, socialite, media personality & model
Misspokements People Self