Subject: People » Self (Page 5)

We were poor. we were so poor, in my neighborhood the rainbow was in black-and-white.

(1921 – 2004) stand-up comedian & actor
Money Poverty Self

Always remember that you are absolutely unique, just like everyone else.

Murphy’s Laws People Self

I’ve had so much plastic surgery, when I die they will donate my body to Tupperware.

(1935 – 2014) American comedian, television personality, writer & director
Appearance Body Self

Of all the great qualities he had, and there were so many, there was one thing that set him apart from everybody else; he really thought I was funny.

(1896 – 1996) comedian, actor & entertainer
Characteristics Self

Soon, I'm going to meet somebody around my own age, and she's going to be smart and beautiful, and I'm going to date her daughter.

(1956 – ) American stand-up comedian, actor & television ho
People Self

Growing up Jewish was a little different; some of the other kids in my neighborhood had diaries; I had a ledger… where I recorded how many diaries I sold to the other kids.

Jewish-American stand-up comedian & writer
People Self

I know when (women) don't like me 'cause they'll say things like, 'Yeah, that's him, officer.'

(1960 – ) American stand-up comedian & writer
People Self Women

When I was 16 years old, the morning of my birthday, my parents tried to surprise me with a car, but they missed.

American comedian
Family Parents Self Situations

When I was a kid my family said having feelings was an act of treason.

(1947 – ) comedian & actor
Family Self

Did you ever get the feeling that the world was a tuxedo and you were a pair of brown shoes?

(1919 – 1991) American comedian & actor
Death People Self Situations

I am a very committed wife, and I should be committed too – for being married so many times.

(1932 – 2011) British-American actress
Marriage Self Wives

Me and Jake LaMotta grew up in the same neighborhood. You wanna know how popular Jake was? When we played hide and seek, nobody ever looked for LaMotta.

(1919 – 1990) American boxing champion
Boxing People Self Sports

All I want is a warm bed, a kind word and unlimited power.

(1933 – ) English author & cartoonist
People Self Situations

When I was born my father spent three weeks trying to find a loophole in my birth certificate.

(1924 – 1987) American stand-up ‘deadpan’ comedian and actor
Family Fathers People Self

There's an empty spot I've always had inside me. I tried to fill it with family, religion, community service, but those were dead ends! I think this chair is the answer.

cartoon character in The Simpsons (Dan Castellaneta)
Self TV/Movie Quotes

When I was a Republican, Saddam Hussein was our ally, George Bush owned a mediocre baseball team, Enron was a respected energy company and Michael Jackson was still black.

(1950 – ) Greek American author, columnist & website co-founder
Past People Self Time

One of the symptoms of an approaching nervous breakdown is the belief that one's work is terribly important.

(1872 – 1970) British philosopher, mathematician, historian & social critic
Health People Self Work

Admiration: Our polite recognition of another's resemblance to ourselves.

(1842 – 1914) author & satirist
Characteristics Communication Definitions Language Self

Where would I be without my sense of direction.

(1933 – ) English author & cartoonist
Language People Self

The minute you settle for less than you deserve, you get even less than you settled for.

(1952 – ) American columnist & author
People Self Situations

You sit there and you talk about yourself for an hour straight, and the other person listens to everything you say; it's like I'm the guy on a date.

(1964 – ) Canadian stand-up comedian, actress & television host
People Self