Subject: People » Self (Page 6)

Facetime fulfills a secret human desire: to mostly look at yourself while talking to other people.

(1982 – ) American comedian & actress
Computers People Self Things

I never thought you could win a Pulitzer just for quoting Tommy Lasorda correctly.

(1919 – 1998) American sportswriter
Baseball Communication People Reading/Writing Self Sports

Philanderer: A man who considers himself too good to be true.

Definitions People Self

It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others.

(1933 – ) English author & cartoonist
People Self

I went to the doctor and said, “Doc, every morning when I wake up and look in the mirror, I throw up. What’s wrong?” The doctor said, “I don’t know, but your eyesight is perfect.”

(1921 – 2004) stand-up comedian & actor
Appearance Self Ugly

I watching a weird porn the other day; it was just a fat man crying and wanking at the same time…. then realized I hadn't turned the TV on.

(1973 – ) English writer & stand-up comedian
People Self Sex

I am a man of fixed and unbending principles, the first of which is to be flexible at all times.

(1896 – 1969) American congressman & senator (Illinois)
Characteristics People Self

I know when (women) don't like me 'cause they'll say things like, 'Yeah, that's him, officer.'

(1960 – ) American stand-up comedian & writer
People Self Women

Our ego is our silent partner – too often with a controlling interest.

(1923 – ) American quote & quip writer
Characteristics People Self

I’m so gay, I could put a lisp in the word ‘cracker.'

(1967 – ) American stand-up comedian & actor
People Self

Bore: One who insists upon talking about himself when you want to talk about yourself.

Definitions Self

When I was 16 years old, the morning of my birthday, my parents tried to surprise me with a car, but they missed.

American comedian
Family Parents Self Situations

I'm good enough, I'm smart enough, and doggone it, people like me.

(1951 – ) U.S. senator (Minnesota), political commentator, comedian & writer
Characteristics People Self

I’m not the type who wants to go back to the land… I’m the type who wants to go back to the hotel.

(1950 – ) writer & humorist
People Self Situations

How do people make new mates?… asking for a friend.

Comedian & writer
Friends People Self

It's all right letting yourself go as long as you can let yourself back.

(1943 – ) English rock singer
Activities Appearance Body Fat Self

One of the symptoms of an approaching nervous breakdown is the belief that one's work is terribly important.

(1872 – 1970) British philosopher, mathematician, historian & social critic
Health People Self Work

If you find it hard to laugh at yourself, I would be happy to do it for you.

(1890 – 1977) comedian, actor & television host
Emotions Laughter People Self

Sometimes people come up to me and they'll be like, 'In Italy, it's pronounced 'Bir-Bee-Lya’ … and I'm like, 'In America, you're annoying.

(1978 – ) American comedian & writer
Communication Language People Self

If there are any of you at the back who do not hear me, please don't raise your hands because I am also nearsighted.


(1907 – 1973) poet & critic
Communication People Self Speech

There’s only one thing I can’t do that white people can do, and that’s play pranks at international airports.

British-Asian comedian
People Self Situations