Subject: People » Self (Page 7)

I always thought I'd go to the Oscars, but only as a stalker.

(1953 – ) comedian, dancer & writer
Entertainment Film People Self

Only when one has lost all curiosity about the future has one reached the age to write an autobiography.

(1903 – 1966) English writer
Books Communication People Self

I never saw my mother up close.

(1945 – ) American humorist (co-founder of National Lampoon)
Family Mothers People Self

If we were truly created by God, then why do we still occasionally bite the insides of our own mouths?

(1972 – ) Irish comedian & television presenter
Beliefs God Self

If people only knew as much about painting as I do, they would never buy my pictures.

(1802 – 1873) English painter
Art Reviews/Criticism Self

You sit there and you talk about yourself for an hour straight, and the other person listens to everything you say; it's like I'm the guy on a date.

(1964 – ) Canadian stand-up comedian, actress & television host
People Self

I knew when my career was over; in 1965 my baseball card came out with no picture.

(1935 – ) American baseball player, sportscaster, comedian & actor
Baseball Self Sports

Every time I get in an elevator, the operator says the same thing to me: “Basement?”

(1921 – 2004) stand-up comedian & actor
People Self Situations

I was walking in the park and this guy waved at me; then he said, ‘I’m sorry, I thought you were someone else.’ I said, ‘I am.

(1973 – ) American comedian
People Self Situations

Is a narcissist’s suicide a crime of passion?


People Self

Egotist: A conceited ass who thinks he knows as much as you do.

Definitions Intelligence People Self

Do not punish yourself, you deprive the world of its purpose.

(1967 – ) English comedian
Life Self

They used to shoot her through gauze; you should shoot me through linoleum.

(1903 – 1968) movie actress
Appearance People Self

I was so ugly, my mother breast fed me through a straw.

(1921 – 2004) stand-up comedian & actor
Appearance Hair Self

He who disagrees with me in private, call him a fool; he who disagrees with me in public, call him an ambulance.

(1967 – ) English comedian
Conflict People Self

If they cut my bald head open, they will find one big boxing glove. That's all I am.

American boxing champion
Boxing Self Sports

Twelve years after high school and I’m still at the nerd table.

(1975 – ) American actor
People Self TV/Movie Quotes

My shrink told me it was pointless to believe in myself.

(1947 – ) comedian & actor
Beliefs Self

Don't talk about yourself; it will be done when you leave.

(1876 – 1933) screenwriter
Communication Self Speech

I had slumps that lasted into the winter.

(1935 – ) American baseball player, sportscaster, comedian & actor
Baseball Failure Self Sports

I refuse to join any club that would have me as a member.

(1890 – 1977) comedian, actor & television host
People Self