Subject: People » Self (Page 8)

I had slumps that lasted into the winter.

(1935 – ) American baseball player, sportscaster, comedian & actor
Baseball Failure Self Sports

My luck is so bad that if I bought a cemetery, people would stop dying.

(1921 – 2004) stand-up comedian & actor
Characteristics Death People Self

The snapshots you take of your husband are always more flattering than the ones he takes of you.

Husbands Murphy’s Laws Self Things Wives

[I’m someone] who spends his time at parties in the room with the coats and whose idea of a good time is to go down to the bus terminal and pretend I’m going somewhere.

(1924 – 1987) American stand-up ‘deadpan’ comedian and actor
Characteristics People Self

My general appearance, and especially my face, have always been a source of depression to me.

(1878 – 1931) Irish artist
Appearance People Self

Whatever is not nailed down is mine; what I can pry loose is not nailed down.

(1821 – 1900) American railroad magnate
People Self Things

Only when one has lost all curiosity about the future has one reached the age to write an autobiography.

(1903 – 1966) English writer
Books Communication People Self

I’m a typical Capricorn; I’m hardworking, loyal, sometimes stubborn and I don’t believe in astrology.

(1974 – ) American Internet entrepreneur
People Self

It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others.

(1933 – ) English author & cartoonist
People Self

People ask me how much I weigh. I tell them, 145 pounds, naked; that is, if that scale outside the drugstore is anything to go by.

(1956 – ) American comedian
Appearance Self

When I dance, people think I’m looking for my keys.

(1957 – ) American stand-up comedian, actor & screenwriter
Dance Entertainment Self

A satirist is a man who discovers unpleasant things about himself and then says them about other people.

(1924 – ) Canadian writer
Communication People Self

Hey, I don’t get respect from anyone… why, American Airlines thanked me for flying United.

(1921 – 2004) stand-up comedian & actor
Insults People Self

Accept who you are… unless you’re a serial killer.

(1958 – ) comedian, actress & television host
People Self

I know I’m God because when I pray to him I find I’m talking to myself.

(1931 – 2004) English playwright & screenwriter
Beliefs God People Self

I have an existential map; it has ‘you are here’ written all over it.

(1955 – ) comedian, actor & writer
Beliefs Self

“Belinda Carlisle sings, ‘We dream the same dream' … but I can’t believe that every night Belinda Carlisle has a wet dream about Wilma Flintstone.

(1964 – ) British comedian, novelist & television presenter
Activities Self Sleep

I stopped buying women’s magazines; the only time I ever see someone who looks like me is under the word ‘Before’.

(1975 – ) English comedian
Appearance Self

I was born with an adult head and a tiny body… like a Peanuts character.

(1962 – ) American political satirist, writer, television host & comedian
Appearance Body People Self

A gossip is someone who talks to you about others, a bore is someone who talks to you about himself, and a brilliant conversationalist is one who talks to you about yourself.

(1925 – 1990) American actor
Communication Conversation People Self Speech

I wanna tell you… I was ugly. I was so ugly, I went to the proctologist and he stuck his fingers in my mouth.

(1921 – 2004) stand-up comedian & actor
Appearance Self