Subject: People » Women

That's the perfect microcosm for men and women: it takes a million sperm to find one egg 'cause they're all males and not one of them is gonna pull over and ask directions.

American actor & comedian
Men Sex Women

Trust me, ladies, if you knew even for a second how we men really look at you, you would never stop slapping us.

(1953 – ) American comedian, actor, voice artist, & columnist
Men People Sex Women

The trouble with Ian [Fleming] is that he gets off with women because he can’t get on with them.

(1901 – 1990) British novelist
Insults People Women

Why is it that when a man talks dirty to a woman, it's sexual harassment, but when a woman talks dirty to a man, it's $3.95/minute?

Communication Men Speech Women

Except for 75% of the women, everyone in the whole world wants to have sex.


People Sex Women

A man leaves a woman for another woman, but a woman leaves a man for herself.


Men People Relationships Women

A woman's preaching is like a dog's walking on his hinter legs; it is not done well; but you are surprised to see it done at all.

(1740 – 1795) Scottish lawyer, diarist & author
Communication People Speech Women

The heaviest object in the world is the body of the woman you have ceased to love.

(1715 – 1747) French writer & moralist
Emotions Love People Women

You see a lot of smart guys with dumb women, but you hardly ever see a smart woman with a dumb guy.

(1942 – ) American author and teacher
Intelligence Men People Women

Men want the same thing from their underwear that they want from women: a little bit of support, and a little bit of freedom.

(1954 – ) comedian & television actor
Clothing Men People Women

They say men can never experience the pain of childbirth; but they can, if you hit them in the goolies with a cricket bat for 14 hours.

(1957 – ) British stand-up comedian
Men People Women

When women kiss it always reminds me of prize fighters shaking hands.

(1880 – 1956) journalist, essayist, editor & satirist
People Women

There are two ways to handle a woman, and nobody knows either of them.

(1868 – 1930) cartoonist, humorist & journalist
People Women

Ah, women: they make the highs higher and the lows more frequent.

(1844 – 1900) German philosopher
People Women

Pizza is like a lady’s breasts: there’s good pizza… and there’s great pizza; but there isn’t bad pizza.

(1957 – 2007) American stand-up comedian & actor
Appearance Body Women

One thing in which the sexes are equal is in thinking that they're not.

(1908 – 1980) businessman, humorist
Intelligence Men People Women

I think that maybe if women and children were in charge we would get somewhere.

(1894 – 1961) author, cartoonist & humorist
Children People Situations Women

When women are depressed they either eat or go shopping; men invade another country.

(1952 – ) comedian
Eating Men People Shopping War Women

A man who correctly guesses a woman’s age may be smart, but he’s not very bright.

(1911 – 1989) television actress
Age People Women

If a woman tells you she's twenty and looks sixteen, she's twelve. If she tells you she's twenty-six and looks twenty-six, she's damn near forty.

(1965 – ) comedian, actor, screenwriter, television producer & director
Age Appearance People Women

… the Women’s Lubrication Movement.

television character, All In the Family (Carroll O’Connor)
Malaprops People Women