Subject: People » Women

The heaviest object in the world is the body of the woman you have ceased to love.

(1715 – 1747) French writer & moralist
Emotions Love People Women

A man's got to do what a man's got to do; a woman must do what he can't.

(1951 – ) American stand-up comic & actress
Men People Women

Whatever women do they must do twice as well as men to be thought half as good… luckily, this is not difficult.

(1896 – 1975) Canadian mayor (Ottawa) & feminist
Men People Women

A homeless guy asked me for 2 pounds, so I gave him 1.67 because that’s what a woman would get paid for doing the same job.

British comedian
Men Money People Women Work

During the feminist seventies men were caught between a rock and a hard-on; in the fathering eighties they are caught between good hugs and bad hugs.

(1936 – ) novelist, essayist & columnist
Conflict Men Past Women

Men mourn for what they have lost; women for what they ain't got.

(1818 – 1885) humorist
Men People Women

When women are depressed they either eat or go shopping; men invade another country.

(1952 – ) comedian
Eating Men People Shopping War Women

A man is designed to walk three miles in the rain to phone for help when the car breaks down, and a woman is designed to say, ‘you took your time’ when he comes back dripping wet.

(1953 – 2016) British comedian, actress, singer & screenwriter
Men People Women

Women and elephants never forget an injury.

Intelligence Memory Murphy’s Laws Women

Women: Can't live with 'em – can't live with 'em.

People Women

I had a girlfriend that was so fat she had her own postal code.

(1921 – 2004) stand-up comedian & actor
Appearance Body Fat Girlfriends People Women

There’s a reason it’s called ‘Girls gone wild’ and not ‘Women gone wild;’ when girls go wild they show their tits to people; when women go wild, they kill men and drown their kids in a tub.

Louis Szekely (1967 – ) American comedian, writer, actor & director
Girls People Women

When women kiss it always reminds me of prize fighters shaking hands.

(1880 – 1956) journalist, essayist, editor & satirist
People Women

When women hold off from marrying men, we call it independence; when men hold off from marrying women, we call it fear of commitment.


(1943 – ) American psychologist, author
Marriage Men People Situations Women

That's why the men's department is usually on the first floor of a department store, two inches from the door.

(1953 – ) comedian, dancer & writer
Men People Shopping Women

I talk a lot about women in my act, 'cause let's face it – if I was hungry, I would talk about food.

American actor & comedian
Food/Drink Sex Speech Women

Gold Digger: A girl who will date any man that can pass the asset test.

Definitions Money People Women

You have nooo idea… the difference in sex drive between a man and woman is like the difference between shooting a bullet and throwing it.

(1953 – ) American comedian, actor, voice artist, & columnist
Men People Sex Women

You guys have it so easy; you don't shave: it's sexy, it's a turn-on; we don't shave: it's birth control.

stand-up comedian
Men People Women

Easy: Used to describe a woman who has the sexual morals of a man.

Definitions People Sex Women

A woman’s mind is cleaner than a man’s; she changes it more often.

(1863 – 1935) British-born American writer, artist & illustrator
People Women